Fingerprints on a number of recovered footballs were confirmed to belong to Tim Tebow, however.

Muahaha! My offhand comment, validated by reality? (In my head) I win the internets for today! OMG, should I get a lottery ticket, too?

I was just about to say, Miley Cyrus is shaping up to be the female counterpart to Justin Bieber. Fucking assholes.

that's just a straight-up brag.

Oh, please. We all know he was just visiting for the weed...

KTVU is reporting that second baseman Wi Ga Chu and shortstop Yu So Dum really pulled a fast one on him.

It is as the prophecy foretold!

Well of course no one noticed, Tom. It's a gay bar.

Note to criminals: It's a bad idea to film yourself committing assault, and then post it online as though it's a joke.

It was probably a good idea for Marat to start dating over e-mail, because he always blows calls.

To all You assholes complaining,

Holy shit, I just wrote almost the exact same thing. Great minds think alike, and I guess ours do too.

"Stop bitching and fuckin adapt."

I should be ashamed! Should being the operative word.

Chickens are smarter than at least half of Michigan's state legislators, so this comes as no surprise.

Christ! We're not savages!

That's fine and dandy, but my toddlers were more delicious than chicken.

Cate Blanchett is in a Woody Allen movie with Andrew Dice Clay. Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd type.

For reals. I love me some Diet Coke. : /

I think that whole meth teeth thing is bullshit. I've been drinking Diet Dr. Pepper for 20 years and my teeth are fine. Both of them.