I really wanted to make an arbiter joke, but didn't know how. Thank you for this one.

Jon Hamm, my imaginary boyfriend, and I will be at your fictional wedding to Gosling.

Look, news sources, if you don't have a name yet it's okay to stop talking. You don't have to keep going in some kind of mouth rodeo until one of you falls off the metaphorical horse as incredibly dumb shit tumbles out of your mouth. There are other stories. Like a mass Iraqi jail break, for instance.

I wanted to go with this sprigged china but Mads kept pacing and muttering and glaring at his recipe box, so of course we went with his (non) suggestion.

I did! It's (non) lovely!

This works out grat for me!

*snort*

Knights who say neigh??? I mean Ni.

THANK YOU! I have had these relationships for years, and Colin Firth has simply never let me down. I am so glad someone with your ability to reach the masses is sharing this completely frustration-free way to enjoy an ideal boy or girl friend.

My wife is fake married to Nath

I'm pretty sure they gave Silver such a good deal as recompense for stealing his girlfriend.

A trial separation.

If this were an episode of Law & Order, it would turn out he'd caused the crash in order to appear heroic in the media.

Somebody call Lenny Brisco. It's not so outlandish for life to mirror television.

I didn't think it was possible to be less deserving of an Oscar than Crash.

Nailed it.

Of all your stories about people not watching baseball, this is the worst.

Was his parole officer taking the picture?

Gandhi . And then I could be all like 'hey, I slept with Gandhi,' and my friends would be like 'no way.' And I would be like 'shut up, you don't even know.'

Impossible. That's WAY cuter than Antonin Scalia has ever been.

Having worked for the Obama campaign and being disappointed with several aspects of his administration, I gotta say hearing him speak up on this issue made me really proud of him. White people (and I say this in the least offensive way possible) can never really know how utterly demoralizing racial profiling can be,…