These cans!

He's shooting at these cans!

He must really hate these cans!

I think I like you.

Oh, Burt.

How did you omit the greatest fast food failure of them all: Pizza in a Cup?

Navin Johnson wants to know.

Who's the one who won't let it go now, Ian?

I'm just playing around. You're the one still calling names and pretending to be big about things.

So please just let it go. Stop being an asshole and drop it. You can even tell your friends that you "won," or whatever.

But please tell me about your hobbies! I'd love to…

Both?

Oh, sure.

The "reluctant hero" gets a book deal and free hamburgers for life. But all I get is leered at in the mall food court where I work.

Look, I don't want to wear this dumb costume. No one wants to dress up everyday like a tasty Greek sandwich. But you gotta do what you gotta do. So I do it, reluctantly — a…

What kind of hobby would you recommend?

What are yours?

Please answer. I'm very interested.

Also, random question: Do you speak Czech?

My problem?

Simple answer: You.

Longer answer: You and your smug, inaccurate sense that you know what you're doing here. I'll be honest: You seem like a bright enough guy — perhaps not as bright as you think, but still bright. So I wouldn't have minded if this had played out differently. As it is, though, you've…

Okay, Ian.

Thanks.

Rough game for the Seahawks yesterday, eh? They need more talent at wide receiver . . .

Do you often craft your comments simply by summarizing articles recently posted on Slate?

This might be frustrating, but it isn't surprising.

Trial courts stay their decisions all the time pending appeal. It's just part of the "separation of powers" built into the First and Second Amendments.

The only bad part is that all the people who married over the weekend will now have to stay in Utah until all of…

Good weekend, Ian?

Does it hurt, Tom?

Nope. Not that.

Does it hurt?

But if you're coaching at Bama, homophobic slurs agree totally okay?

It's a handsome dog. Don't get me wrong. But . . .

Of course it would be Utah. Utah. I told you this would happen. First comes homosexual marriage, then polygamy. Next is man on dog. There's a dog in that photo, I just know it.

—Rich Santorum

Tom Ley —

Did you grow up in Colorado?

If so, Bill Hanzlik or Todd Lichti?

Stranger and friend. Deal?