Kids today.

Also, she was probably born in 1996. Just putting that out there so the commentariat can feel the grossness I currently feel answering this question.

Silver Lining Alert!

She was also probably not responsible for the Atlanta Olympic bombing.

That's not nothing in a relationship, you know.

I work in Manhattan, not too far from the Fox News studios, and I'm pretty sure Megyn Kelly's head just exploded.

Oh, so now the elves are Black too?

Lance Armstrong paid another rider $100,000 to throw the Thrift Drug Triple Crown?

Never has a race been more inappropriately *and* appropriately named at the same time . . .

Evan Rachel Wood needs more than 140 characters.

Always.

WHY WON'T ANYONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!?!

Do you mean "racist Obama brought it back from Kenya and then started the War on Christmas and white Santa and all that good Americans hold sacred"?

If so, yes. The GOP told me that too.

No, no, no.

We should take Adam at his word here.

He just doesn't know what any of those words mean. In his mind, "confident" means a person you can really talk to — you know, confide in. He's surely less of that now than before, no?

It was over already.

Rosa Parks ended it.

The GOP told me.

Are you trying to be a jackass, or does it just come naturally?

Not on the Irish coast.

Does it really not matter what happens in the World Cup?

I mean, Klinsmann could totally flop on the WC stage.

He's done it before . . .

Oh, I've seen worse.

A few summers ago, I worked at a great little fishing store in Carroll Gardens. Lots of our customers were new to fishing, and they always had questions about lures and bait and how to put worms on hooks. So we advertised a position for a real expert on those things.

Problem was, our manager was…

My friend Liberty Ross got a sneak-peak at the collection last week. Her report:

Even when they can't afford boots.

And I read about the man who asked me to marry him four years ago over the phone, before we had even kissed.

Wow.

I had no idea that, just four years ago, Maria Bello was in junior high.

Cedar plank, naturally.

Did you write an Amazon review yet?

(Also: beef, salmon, or vegetarian?)

And my current fiancee, don't forget.