It's not the dancing or the rakish good looks?

That. Is. Amazing.

Thank you, portmanteaubot. You're good.

And it just goes to show: Football players — and their kids — really are better than the rest of us.

I thought we did find Hoffa — about 34 times, in fact.

Kidding aside, are you questioning the "vaguely" part of the "misogynistic" part?

Earlier that day, Rahim Moore spent a couple of hours trying to take those Flacco things down.

But every time he jumped, he came up just a little bit short.

(1) Is that in the Book of Rockets or the Book of Divine Drones? I get them confused a lot.

(2) But doesn't context matter? Legal facts or not, there's a lot that's different here — and don't those differences mean something? The law's not totally oblivious to all of that, is it?

I like precision as much as the next person, so feel free to be particular about labels with me.

But you'll excuse me, I hope, for thinking that statutory rape is . . . wait for it . . . rape. (It's the rape part that gave it away.)

And excuse me too if I disclaim any credit, blame, or responsibility for anything…

Do you really think that FS1 will be better? They've got money to compete, sure. But do you really think that the channel will provide better journalism and less misogyny?

I think "wiki" is the Nepali word meaning "always true."

You're good.

True.

But it's not just that football is fun to watch.

It's that football players are simply better people than non-football players. It's been proven time and again. In fact, I think that's what Darwin was talking about or something.

But now, Hal Shaw, an assistant golf pro at a country club, has revealed that before all of this went down, he heard a group of mobsters at his club . . .

Well case closed! Who could need more evidence than that? It's not like ESPN would ever just stir up a bunch of vaguely misogynistic crap for crap's sake or…

And how far he can throw / kick / run with a football, right?

". . . danced with a cartoon mouse . . . "

Is that a metaphor?

(Travel safely. And avoid eye contact.)

Same guy, I thought.

Wrong?

Good point. The attire really did seem, um, intentional.

And if they didn't want to be treated like rapists, why were they in court being convicted of or confessing to rape? You only go there for a reason, you know.

You weren't trying to? Weird.

There are other options . . . .

Wait, um, what'd I do again?

So you're not R. Kelly.

I've been wondering.

Look.

If we're going to solve the problem of Rape Ruining Rapists' Lives, we may have to try something different.

What we're doing now obviously isn't working . . . .

Boy.

It's really a shame how disastrous these rapes can be for the rapists. Rambold, the Steubenville guys, the Michigan football player — it practically ruins their lives.

Maybe it would be better if they didn't, you know, rape people.