Whoa! Holy shit, man. You definitely can’t do that!

says 49 minutes, but I’m sure in NYC traffic it takes more.

Man, must be something in the water.

The IOC would feel really bad about this, but in their defense, the bribes were exceptionally large.

Seeing that it is Van Persie, my guess is that is an ambulance.

If you want to write a long story that paints a complex portrait of a villain, it is adivisable to first find a villian with some degree of complexity. Former college football player turned cop who likes to rape women ain’t exactly Richard III.

Count the motherfucking clauses in that sentence. Forget the horrifying shit show that was the topic, any editor who let that damn clusterfuck out the door should be fired on the spot for that alone.

44 seconds or 55 seconds so you don’t have to move your finger.

Jeb Bush is best known for his fadeaway.

President J.R. Smith would never be too scared to bomb.

This is Bill Bradley’s best chance.

Hilary Clinton has spent the better part of her marriage trying to get Bill to stop playing pick-up games.

can we get Kanye to ask Ronaldo for money? These 2 are meant to collide at some point.

They’ll never have a relationship like MSN. Every time they try to get together, one will inevitably Bale.

My translation: “At Manchester United we won the Champions League despite the fact that I missed my fucking penalty kick. Luckily, John Terry slipped and landed on his ass, which bailed me out”.

“Fuck yeah. This walk is awesome. Gettin exercise. Hangin with my best bud, Human. We’re just loving the outd..........nope I’m done. Right here is good.”

just soon enough

Usually only Malaysian pilots can produce that type of swerve and dip.

Police reportedly made an arrest, but wouldn’t name the man arrested. Whoever it is, he has to appear in court on May 10.

That’s amazing accuracy. I hope an MLB team signs that guy as a pitcher so he can drill batters in the dick.