Every Instagram personality likes to think they’re an “old soul” in a young, nubile body. Every time I hear that “old soul” nonsense, it makes me want to punch a kitten. You know how you get to be an “old soul”? By earning it and getting old.

Yeah, I also read it the way she seems to have intended. People need to calm down.

Perfect tweet. I felt pride, happiness and sadness reading it. Oh what could have been. sigh.

“This is sad because it’s obviously the disjointed ranting of someone Chris doesn’t know who has mental health issues.”

I’m sure the logistics of his own corps were top of mind.

One thing I am not seeing in the press, is that he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s a couple of months back. I looked it up, because I noticed that he had some major symptoms in the last interview I saw of him. It seems very relevant.

There has never been a photograph of Selena Gomez in which she wasn’t either impossibly cute or drop-dead gorgeous.

Woof.

You know, saying I’m petty for being irritated by his Twitter presence this week (and in general) is fair enough. But brushing off the Amy Winehouse corpse as “Dead celebrities are a thing at Halloween” is a little weird to me?

Does she look good though? I’m asking for a friend.

1. Also in Canada. Where we speak proper English, as opposed to ‘American’.

Sometimes I randomly wind up on Dirt Bag through cross-linking wormholes starting from Kotaku, so I’m coming into this with little awareness of who most of these people are.

1. Zed what they call the letter “Z” in the U.K. which is weird. It’s “zee” not “zed” and that has nothing to do with these photos of various goons you have posted.

Pete and Ariana seem like nice kids so I hope if (when) shit goes south it isn’t too rough for them.

i mean considering we’ll all probably be nuked to bits by 4th of july, why not marry the first person you meet that you don’t hate?

There was a six month period of my life where about 85-90% of my emails started with “per my previous email” and I wanted to kill everyone I came in contact with. It took everything in my body not to just say, “I told you this would happen you fucking idiots.” or “Pay attention. I don’t write this shit for my health.”

It’s the “indeed” that gets me. Why do all these tools use “indeed”? Do they think it makes them sound smart?

Oh my god. Her response really is absolutely perfect.