Firstly our honeymoon destination was bombed a month before we were due to go (Bali 2015). Cancelled but they took all our $$. Oh well.

I brought pretty and sexy lingerie for the wedding night, and couldn't wait to show it off for my new husband. I'd never had such sweet little things to wear before in my life! I was anticipating so much romance and lovemaking and all the things a newlywed couple would revel in. Well, my husband had brought his idea…

My "honeymoon" was 2 weeks of my new MIL staying with us and sightseeing since she had never been to the country where we live before. She's lovely but... not super romantic.

But I always comfort myself with the story of my friend's honeymoon. They left for their honeymoon immediately after the wedding, which…

Goddammit, I get so tired of stupid high schools grandstanding on stupid prom. IT’S PROM. It’s a silly tradition that takes every adolescent social and sexual anxiety and squeezes it into formal wear. At the time, it feels like EVERYTHING. In retrospect, it’s just a fun memory of awkward groping and some…

Because you used to actually get "good jobs" if you went to college. Before their generation (Boomers) got super-selfish and destroyed society. And now they look down on us and call us selfish because interwebz. Projection, much?

I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know my cheddar biscuits will be free. And I won't forget the men who died, so I can bitch about automatic gratuity.

Labs will eat anything. You could have done your report on paper he would have eaten it.

I got use "my cat ate my homework" once.

My cat actually ate my homework a few times. Those were the rare times my mother allowed me to call in sick and I'd have to redo my work and turn it in the next day. My cat LOVED tearing up and eating anything made of poster board.

Umm, I may have gone to school with you. If Canyon Vista rings an uncomfortable bell, well, we were in German together.

My brother and his (then) wife were already in town for our wedding. They were staying in the same hotel as my parents and my sister and all the other wedding guests. Come the wedding, though, they were a no-show and had checked out of the hotel. Asked for an explanation, he said "I forgot where the wedding was taking…

My husband's excuse for not putting away the dishes out of the dishwasher: "I don't know where they go."

For reasons I can't even explain, this comment is my favorite.

It's not even a nice looking kitchen.

All the things going on in my head and written on my face right now.

Do they mean "reversible" as in, this abortion has a waterproof lining, so I can turn it inside out and wear it in the rain?

Voldemort is going to be PISSED that y'all are still alive.

(Also these are lovely.)

WTF does it say about us that we got Hand Banana ass tattoos as a wedding/anniversary thing?!