Team chest hair all the way <3

here's my sex spreadsheet

Government inspectors and regulations stifle their ability to sell old, dropped meat. Do you hate the American entrepreneur?

And thank god for tips. I can hardly get my manager to give out paychecks on time. (Let alone show up to actually sign them.) When I say something, I just get snark.

+10000

She should do another pair with the internal clitoris painted on them. The reproductive organs pretty much everybody has seen diagrams of, but the anatomy of pleasure is much less well known and isn't in high-school textbooks (unless they've been updated quite a bit).

No kidding, why are they so high-cut!?!

For real, I love these, but they look like the most unflattering underwear imaginable.

Our Exotic Shorthair, Colonel Mustard, loves the iPad. When he sees it he immediately starts purring and batting at it. Whether you're using it or not. If you want to see some really silly pics of him using it he's on Instagram under officialmustard. This is my favorite.

This might be a difference in our respective definitions of "gentleman." To me, that means part of the American aristocracy, which I can't imagine a server being.

Um, no to the first part. Not at all. I guarantee you the vast majority of servers would much prefer Packhouse's model (or at least a variant for fine dining) to the current one.

I'm not one to believe in fate, but the following sequence of events makes me wonder...

Better Than Bullion

"My resume is in Comic Sans!" I guffawed at this since I've been waging a war against this font FOR AGES.

I understand that you're being sarcastic, but you actually have it all correct.

No no no, it's the Ecru Mollusc. I know it's easy to get them confused, though.

Another Blue Spider-Crab story? That place must be awful to work at.

I never thought I'd thank Yahoo for anything again!

Here's the other reason I did a Foods That Should Not Exist: since this is the column that landed me this job, and a trip out of the nightmare that is the food industry, I thought it only fitting that my last full feature as a Recruit (other than next Monday's BCO) be a probably-overdue edition of Foods That Should…

I see a twist like in "The Usual Suspects" coming when the homeowner remarks to the confused officer who has just let the feline burglar outside, "Cat? I don't own a cat."