From the moment a man engages in conversation with someone who might find him attractive, he wants to show his penis v. v. much. He is sure this person wants to see his penis v. v. much. His phone, as it happens, has a camera. He has trouble keeping any other thought in his head. Should he ask, or should be simply…

I was alone and a little tipsy.

It seems like I can't go anywhere anymore without people assuming you want lemon on your water (or tea) glass, so I just make it part of my ordering process. "Water please, no lemon." When my family all goes out together, my habit of saying "no lemon" reminds my brother and father to say the same, whereas my mom…

I think some people have a cow over it because there were quite a few news stories a few years ago about lemons from the rims of glasses testing positive for fecal matter: http://www.today.com/id/23355862/ns…

This would be my sister's story... I should send her over here because I swear she must have a dozen books worth of restaurant stories.

No. 5 here is Mats Hummels playing for Germany... woof

Until it's frozen liberally.

I was an awkward, fat, lonely 12 year old girl who was obsessed with horror movies and masturbating, being raised by a single mother in a small town in the early 90's. Every Friday night my mom would take me to our nearest video store and I would gather 4 - 5 different rated-R VHS scary movies (I would specifically…

Lol. Until it's FROZEN

But how long you let it freeze?

He was "literally rejuvenated"... Are you sure we aren't talking about Chris Traeger here?

I do not understand this term "too sugary" to which you refer.

Ugh, I think I've blocked all my bad experiences bartending and cocktail waitressing as a young Queefling because they were just too awful. But I worked at an indie video store in my early 20s (back when they existed, which is how y'all know I'm old) and we got the WEIRDEST. CUSTOMERS. EVER. In addition to a guy who'd…

Try Lisa Eldridge! She's like the ultimate makeup gal pal. She is wonderful at explaining and demonstrating makeup application for all kinds of different looks, and her videos cover absolutely everything from the basics to the fanciest party looks.

"It says:

I'm a TV reporter. Several years ago while my husband was out of town a meth head broke into our garage overnight and was there for HOURS trying to steal all of our stuff and hot wire my husband's car with a nonsensical set of found objects and wires for which my husband dubbed her "meth-gyver". Our barking dog…

Not a germaphobe, but I think the same thing about a lot of the sex in Game of Thrones. Nobody is even brushing their teeth for fucks sake, and I doubt the Wildlings bathe more than a couple times a year (if even that.)

Thank you for your tireless dedication to journalism, sir.