You’re lucky you survived his assault without “all head, neck, eyes and vision were severely damaged”!

I have been to the one in Foley, AL (apparently, the only location outside of Missouri) more than once and those rolls are the lightest, fluffiest rolls ever. Unless the roll was being fired out of a t-shirt cannon or stronger, there is no way a roll did permanent damage.

Maybe. But that movie would have been good with almost any other leading man.

He was definitely not smart. But I really think he thought that would make me want to impress him, just like a classic PUA would. Glad I dodged that bullet!

First date:

The Pie Vs Cake bracket was my introduction to Jezebel! I can’t believe it’s only been five years since I found my online home. It was still probably the best March Madness bracket ever!

Haha, nope, never took German and Canyon Vista isn't ringing any bells (uncomfortable or otherwise). I guess dogs eating homework isn't that farfetched after all.

"My dog ate my homework"

"I don't cook much. Not sure how that would work with my dog."

The mint flavor is the only lip balm I've used for the past 5 years!

The mint flavor is the only lip balm I've used for the past 5 years!

Went on one date with a guy. He had a cat (totally cool! me too!) and was a vegetarian (I'm not, but I can work with that). But then he said he was thinking of getting rid of his cat because he was uncomfortable that his cat ate meat. Um, vegetarianism is a choice you can make for yourself but not for your cat.

I'm so jealous! My Kitty Surprise only had 3 kitties. And I definitely picked one out in the store, thinking "This one looks bigger; I bet there's 5 babies inside."

A similar thing happened when I was in high school. Our family moved to a new house, and we were very careful not to let the cats escape through an open door. But a few days after the move, one of the cats was nowhere to be found. We looked outside, calling for her, leaving food out for her, but she never showed up.

That reminds me of a "dish" a friend in middle school used to make. She took a large can of cooked chicken, a package of cream cheese, packet of ranch dressing mix, and two slices of white bread and mixed it together, forming a vaguely rounded mass. I don't know if it was supposed to be chicken salad or a…

Cats, man. What can you do?

Your cat does that too?! I thought I had the one stupid cat who felt the need to poop and then dig around for 10 minutes, which she does EVERY morning an hour before I have to wake up.

Sleep No More is one of my favorite experiences of my entire life! I want to go again but I live in LA so it'll be a while before I get back there.

Of course I've heard it, I'm from the Southeast. But my disdain for Pepsi is strong and I would rather die of thirst than drink it.

Not even then. If they carry Pepsi, I'll just have water thanks.

Ok this was me two minutes ago: