Archmage's not on board.

I never played all the way through Dark Souls 1, but I was my roommate's copilot, looking at the wiki on an iPad and telling him which upgrade trees are dead ends and which are actually useful. I was so happy when Bloodborne streamlined all of that crap.

On account of the two having the same value?

I skipped every game's opening crawl. I always just wanted to skip the setup and get to flying around or zapping stormtroopers or whatever, because it turns out most Star Wars games have garbage stories I don't give a shit about.

Good. The absolute best part about The Force Awakens was that second of darkness between the "A long time ago…" card and the title crawl, when everyone in the theater was silent in anticipation, and then it's here and STAR WARS blasts onto the screen and for just a moment, this movie is everything you ever wanted,…

It's probably referring to $hillary Godhamn Clinton DELETING all her emails that PROVED SHE HAS AMERICAN BLOOD ON HER HANDS after she REFUSED to save our brave soldiers defending our freedoms from the people of Benghazi. Killary=tool of the Bilderbergs and the Rosicrucians #votetrump

I….I am…not mandatory. *slowly raises gun to temple*

I didn't mean for the parenthetical to explain the joke so much as I meant it to express my vast bewilderment at the inexplicable Sunday comics empire that is P.V.

FUCK ME

Fuck this, where's my Prince Valiant movie?

Not as bad as Momma or the Family Circus or the fucking Lockhorns, and only moderately worse than Frank and Ernest. But one of the all-time-lows, definitely.

No, but these people say "fuck" and "shit" so that's how you know they're genuine. Also they use proper terminology, are perfectly communicative, they aren't eating while they play or anything, and don't just trail off listlessly when they get distracted. Exactly like real human beings.

Soon, people will be exchanging the Zelda coins to pay for assassins and black-market drugs. Anyone with a coin in his or her possession is clearly not to be trifled with.

Between Sea of Thieves and the Ghost Recon…thing, not to mention the past trailers for the Division and shit like that, I'm beginning to really love it when marketers have a bunch of actors pretend to be cooperatively gaming. They have no idea how people talk in real life!

Well that sucks I was hoping it might have some redeeming qualities.

I understand very little about the economics of Brexit's advantages and disadvantages. I do know that a bunch of abhorrent proto-humans whose polices (and, in one case, whose hair) mirror those of Trump, are really into Brexiting, so I'm guessing that means it's probably a bunch of populist fear-mongering masquerading…

Which is funny because he was pissing a fit earlier because Twitter took his check away.

I think he's ended up as one of GG's bêtes noires, which is a shame, because I hate having to agree with the guy. He's very obnoxious.

I bailed once I realized the Escapist was becoming a haven for pissbaby splatpants whose every third forum post was "something something GamerGate zoepost why isn't feminism dead yet?" It was a shockingly easy decision, considering the site had jettisoned all of its actual talent months before.

"One-vehicle accident, two fatalities. One adult male, severe blunt-force trauma to head and face. One adult female, strangulation, severe bruising to the throat in the shape of a handprint."