I'm an AEL Michael and I deal with this so goddamn much. It's not like the name was the #1 boys' name in America for like a decade, people! You didn't learn to spell it during that time?

Sounds like an A.V. Club regular commenter to me!

Boy I'm so glad I got that Chrome extension that replaces the word "candidate" with "Imperator."

Not all of them, if I remember. A lot of them were just filmmakers, and not even German filmmakers, in some cases. Or just escorts.

I could very well be castigated for this, but….I don't like Pulp Fiction. Tarantino's work in general feels way too self-indulgent for my taste (Kill Bill, Hateful 8, Django, and Inglourious could all be at least half an hour shorter and lose nothing of consequence) but Pulp Fiction feels too much like a movie about…

He's got a tinfoil pal and a pedal bin. His father's a robot and he's fucking fucked his sister.

So I saw the final boss cutscene out of context before I played it and so I assumed that there was backstory to Armstrong's relationship with Raiden and his scheme that I was missing. Then I played it and it turned out there wasn't. That scene was the first time he even speaks. I just didn't feel any connection with…

No, I do remember you need to pay one of the prisoners like 1,000 slave points (or whatever) to get the passcode to the vault full of treasure you can use to instantly pay off the debt. And the only way to get enough points to pay him is by spending 10 minutes or so in the wheel.

I just hated that forest so much by the end. I was also terrified an Amazy-Dayzee would show up and one-shot me.

I probably would have liked Rising more if it wasn't wearing Metal Gear's skin like a suit. No, Rising, you're not a MGS game and that's okay, so you don't need these shoehorned stealth sections, these unnecessary rocket launchers, a charmless and useless codec system or a terrible villain that pretends he's political…

I love Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door so goddamn much. But I absolutely hate Chapter 4, which takes place in Twilight Town. It's a cool, spooky place, and it only takes a half hour or so to get to the end — or so you think. After you beat the chapter boss, the level continues, and you have to repeatedly backtrack…

I'm reading through Umberto Eco's Foucault's Pendulum (and have been for a month, because that shit is dense), and that book is almost entirely a bunch of history nerds making up a giant conspiracy theory out of bits of esoterica — including, yes, the same things in THBaTHG — and, even though several chapters are just…

Everyone is lying to you. Don't bother befriending him. Just kill every dumb beast you see, climb the ladder to his tower, then open fire on him as soon as you reach the top. No time for friends during the hunt, motherfuckers.

And it's only available at Sharper Image!

I watched Escape From LA first because it was on Netflix and it was exactly what I expected: stupid, cheesy, over-the-top and extremely dated. Then I saw NY and I thought: "not stupid enough." They're both good but I have a better time watching LA.

…well, either that or, you know, he was kicked in the head by a horse and that's why he's like that, just like they say in the books.

his *wherever*

UNITE!

I mean, nobody has ever died senselessly or tragically early here in this absolutely fair world with mandated minimum ages for death.

Each successive trailer for this makes it look exponentially worse, which is a feat in and of itself. But I'm sure the fans will love it, I guess?