I don't think that puppet really ate that orange.

Thanks! I admit to being quite proud of that one.

Oh my god, it's David Cameron!

Eyes out for Hammurabi.

But it's DC! That's like 90% of their heroes!

I was still a girl at the time, but I think it was more about the legitimately strange way I walk (which has since been explained to me by my friends in far more detail than I really wanted) than it was a creepy thing.

Once, the cashier from the university dining hall told me that she saw me out and about because she'd "recognize my gait anywhere".

All right, all right, all right, all right…

…No? I'm honestly starting to wonder how anyone in earlier generations grew to adulthood if you were all running around with hunting knives and throwing rocks at each others' heads.

Climbing trees I could understand, but playing with knives?! What is going on in the Netherlands?

Mmm, Axe body spray.

This just made me want a sloppy joe. I haven't had one of those in years.

Better than getting your banger mashed, I guess.

Is "broasting" when a chicken is roasted by a frat boy?

One assumes so, but…I've heard enough horror stories about both the extent of the Bay Area's housing issues and what most shelters are like to make an educated guess that it's not always an option.

I'm not sure it was so much "ah, pallet staircase, nothing could possibly go wrong!" as "it's got a roof on it, and is automatically preferable to sleeping on a bench at the bus stop".

There'll always be people like me, who developed debilitating anxiety disorders in preschool and are too scared of dying to have any fun, to continue the species.

I miss its original original meaning. It's so difficult to have a proper conversation about goat songs now.

After reading these stories…I suddenly understand why "helicopter parenting" is such a big thing these days.

You'll take this Simpsons reference and like it.