His last contract paid him 3/$37.5M. He is three years older and making 20% more which outstrips inflation and the average rise in baseball salaries. Even better if you consider he is only playing 2 2/3 seasons.

Dear Democratic Party,

You shit yourself at work during a meeting. It’s obvious to all present—they can hear it, smell it and, as you run out of the room, see it.

The deaths of my heroes allow me to focus on what is truly important: me.

you know, the cropped presentation of the padres logo is just a little... off. 

He works for Barstool now?

Luckily, he’s in hell now.

Not sure Christ really cares much about gold medals. He got hung up on some silver, though.

Can’t tell you how many text messages I exchanged with friends seriously worrying about the health of a person I have never met and will likely never meet.

Oh my fucking god, Drew! I’m so sorry that you went through that and I’m so fucking happy you’re alive! To share I went through something milder than that last year. I had 3-4 episodes where I was shaking badly. One time when I was going to work and it was so bad I couldn’t put the lid on my coffee; a stranger had to…

Jesus, man. This is harrowing. Like everyone else in the comments, I’m glad things didn’t go differently.

The ball going into the basket was quite a process.

“Manchester City crowned champions of tightest Premier League title race ever”

I was trying so hard not to be starstruck that I felt obligated to antagonize him at the end. He really is the best.

Ray Ratto is one of the very few things in this benighted world who is always exactly what you want him to be. Kudos adding him to your merrie menagerie. 

Seeing your name on a post about what should be an interesting topic is like getting a free steak dinner that’s been sautéed in piss.

Whatever statue you were planning on building in her honour, double its size.

I know it’s jeets and he’s a legend but nobody’s just going to gift it to him. Success isn’t wrapped up neatly in a basket. 

I debated going to bed with about 7 min left in regulation, but decided it had been such a fun game that I should see it out. By the end of the first OT, I was really glad I had stayed up.

This was one of the greatest games I’ve ever watched and the single greatest feat was pulled off by my wife. We’re watching the 3rd overtime from a small town on the coast and we’re out of beer and the only store that sells it is a quarter mile away and closes at 11. At 10:50 with the blazers down 5 with 8 or so…