“Like I told Zeke this morning, don’t worry about any of this, they don’t make batteries domestically anymore”

- Emmitt Smith

#NotAllSeminoles

I’m crying on the toilet, and I didn’t even have Chipotle yesterday.

Great. Now I’m crying in a McDonald’s. And it's not for any of the usual reasons.

I think you're mistaken; that was Shane Lechler. Common mistake.

Germans have a weird affinity for red and black color schemes.

This is literally the one ostensibly good thing about the Olympics, the thin veneer of international cooperation and friendship, and these assholes hate the Jews too much to even pay lip service to that.

“Aww, shoot.”

“Typical. A little late tackling the O-ring problem.”

I highly encourage everyone to watch the gif on a loop while listening to this song. Gold!

Just wish Michael had turned on his brother mid-interview, made mention of his conspicuous lack of rings, and say that’s why Mom named you Martellus and not Marshowus

“Worst quarterback in the NFL,” [Michael] says.

Why not both?

+1 rubber duckie

“Or five times.”

The only reason Les Miles still holds a coaching job at LSU has been from insane, golden-horseshoe-up-the-ass lucky plays. Transplant him to any other college football roster without the talent he’s received at LSU and he will look like a mediocre lunatic.

What about those of us that aren’t LGBTQ or Euro?

Starting it off early this year.

Each morning I put my milk in my mug BEFORE I pour the coffee into it. That way the coffee pour swirls the milk all through the mug providing optimal balance of coffee to milk throughout the cup. I can’t be the only one that does this?