Ouchie.

What surer sign do we need that our civilization is in its death throes?

I was excited for a sec and then I remembered they’re all gonna be milk chocolate. I’m no flavor chemist, but the difference between dark and milk chocolate m&ms is approximately 1 galaxy.

Seven hours sounds like long enough to make your own BBQ.

Thanks for reminding me of what I don’t miss about living in Austin. Food hype is on the list, right below driving, parking, posers, and relentless heat (grumble grumble grumble).

Can I use the lonely splorp of sour cream I have sitting in the fridge instead of mayo?

We never really own a potato. We borrow it from our innards.

What is a chocolate-chip cookie without nuts? A glucose delivery disc.
Give me all the walnuts. I will outlive you all!!!!

Exactly! I was all ready to fight for TJ’s French Roast and FR Decaf (I mix ‘em and grind ‘em together).

I know! She has to be brilliant, compassionate, AND a bulldog.

Paid $30 for a Coach crossbody bag at a thrift store in 2013 and have used it every day since then with virtually zero wear & tear... well worth the disdain!

Aw, shucks. A star is given! xo

Yeah... no. BC tries to sizzle, but that shit just congeals in the pan.

Yes but... Frank Langella!!

Thank you for prefacing with “According to His Ex-Wife’s Memoir,” which saves this headline from being total clickbait. Refreshing!

Sounds like you’re ready for medical school.

No need for a bulky coat - just a good acrylic/wool blend poncho that doubles as a blanket and can easily be stuffed into your carry-on. That plus a small pillow, facial wipes, sugarless gum, and compression socks, and I’m good. No booze, just lots of water (getting up to pee is good for kidneys and legs). I don’t…

Remember when we foolishly thought she would be the voice that stood up for us?

One more for the “do not watch” list.

What he’s doing next: Swole Proprietor.