But Craig’s shit.

I spent the afternoon trying to convince my almost three year old niece (who hasn’t seen me outside of FaceTime since she was a newborn) that I am, in fact, related to her and am not a random scary stranger, but even I didn’t want to say “do you know who I am?” because it sounded douchey.

Trying to think of a context in which “do you know who I am?” would be appropriate and I’m hard pressed. Maybe when your spouse just wakes up from a ten year coma?

Merkel: On three still? We take him out?

She’s thinking, “Mein Gott, I miss seeing days ven surprise backrub vas ze vurst zing zet heppened at ze summit.”

He is gorgeous and amazing! And also I didn’t scroll far enough before responding that I was going to send my two cats to all of my meetings next week as well. They are highly qualified. Look at how smart they look:

FFS REALLY???? Little miss “Teehee, I try to stay out of politics!” Gets to step in when President Peepaw gets bored and starts sunsetting and needs to wander off to look for a big truck to play with, or a bunch of rural farm workers bussed in to cheer him?

I have a really smart cat, who maybe can hold hearings in my place when I’m too bored/unfocused to do my job.

OT: How come when Lorde wears her hair pulled up like that she looks amazing, but when I do it, I look like Kim Davis?

I had the same thing re: Ferrari. I was like “This Chyna Kardashian person was a spokesperson for luxury car Ferrari? Is that where we are as a society now?” Glad to see it’s just a rapper I never heard of. I like my luxury goods unsullied, thank you very much (I drive a 2006 Suburu)

I’m just...what the fuck were they thinking?? The Pepsi and Fyre Festival fiascos can be chalked up to poor judgement, but this...this is a simple matter of goddamn law. Copyright exists. Intellectual property law exists. It’s one thing to steal designs from impoverished Etsy artists, but the estates of Biggie…

I know it’s right to do this with your toddler nieces and nephews, but damn is it tough when they say no! Like, brb while I go cry into the cat, you tiny heartbreaker!

This is the animal who taught me about loving and letting go. 

These are actually anti-capitalism protests, rather than anti-Trump protests. Although, given how self-involved that manbaby is, he probably thinks they’re all about him anyway, I guess...

He does respect him, so...

She says “In choosing an Asian man, these white women also symbolically reject all the white men who have oppressed Asian men for centuries. And by earning white love, the Asian man gains acceptance in a society that has thwarted them from the very beginning.” She is explaining to Asian men that their dating and…

Yeah dude. I am aware of the fact that there are different fabrics. But I have never been in an office building that wasn’t freezing in the summer, because the menfolk need to keep cool in their suits.

As a member of the sex with all the institutional power in our society, why don’t you work on that? Women are not the ones who dictate what constitutes appropriate business attire is for men, that’s other men.

I assume the one-shouldered togas and off-shoulder flouncy numbers Ivanka and Melanoma favor for official state business will be exempt — for them. The rest of us better be prepared to rock out in our supafresh Christian burkas. And by rock out, I mean breed.

There has always been a problem, and women have been talking about it forever. If you’ve been oblivious enough to ignore how shitty dress code standards are, and how people have been discussing this for ages, that’s a sign of your privilege and obliviousness, not lack of people calling it out. (BTW, we’ve been talking…