I mean, it’s obvious! He never belonged here in the first place. He was just a polite and charming traveler, tolerating our local customs for a while.

Somehow I was able to read it a while back after borrowing it from my ex when I didn’t have anything new to read. I’m pretty sure I gave myself brain damage

I liked thinking of the “inner goddess” as a pornographic variation of the Lizzie McGuire cartoon character. That was the only component of that book I found entertaining.

And it's just the most adorably polite tone.

I teach 4th grade, and one of my kiddos asked if he could do sharing on Friday. He brought in his iPad and started to talk about his favorite singer who had recently died. He played “Let’s Dance” for the class and shared pictures that he found on the internet. It was the sweetest thing ever! Most of the class had no…

“If that is not practical, then I direct that my executors shall arrange for my remains to be cremated and my ashes scattered in Bali,” the will continued”

Analog dick pics! OMG

My wife once got an actual photograph of some guy’s boner slid under the apartment door. She and her roommate figured it was the creepy morning doorman of their building. She kept it because it was so comically large. Years later, I was trying to find a pen and I stumbled across it and she told me the story. This was…

“I wrote myself in, since I’m me and I’m here and I’m writing.”

Clearly, the original intent of the founders was the right for sharks to bear arms. Or for sharks to have bear arms? I don’t know; I’m not a Constitutional scholar.

I just picked up one of her books at a free book exchange (shout out to Baltimore Book Thing!).

YES! I was just scrolling down to see if anybody had referenced the Talkie Toaster yet.

I know that the complete fucksnarl of security problems that is the Internet of Things is A BIG FUCKING DEAL, but thanks to the headline all I can think of is this:

Oh wow, I haven’t thought about The Brave Little Toaster in decades. I loved that sweet electric blanket.

Oh my God, seriously. I mean, I’m not saying it would have been OKAY if they’d touched me and not my stuff. I just take my writing as an extension of me, I guess? And it seemed like a way to trap me into staying there. Dude even DREW in my notebook - it made me so mad, like he was marking his territory or something.

One time I was out with my boyfriend and some of our friends, and I and the other girls in our group got catcalled. My bf was horrified, because he somehow thought that us being with guys somehow shielded us from unwanted advances.

I recall telling a male friend once that every woman in my life has been attacked, raped, or physically abused at some point in their life, and that I felt lucky that the worst that has ever happened to me was being stalked and harassed on the street. He was horrified both by what I said about the women in my life and…

As street harassment awareness has become more common, my husband (also a feminist) and I have talked about it a lot and in so doing I’ve shared a whole bunch of stories. He is horrified by them and asks “Wait, this happened when I knew you? Why did you never tell me about this?” I was like “This is just normal; more…