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I like to imagine that at this point, the Secret Service kind of feels like Seth Brundle at the end of The Fly.

No.

I hope Sigourney Weaver plays his ex-wife, Hope Davis as his second ex-wife, Rosario Dawson as his third ex-wife, and Kiernen Shipka as his girlfriend and then the movie's funding gets yanked and no one ever sees it.

So will the love interest be young enough to be his daughter, granddaughter, or great-granddaughter?

Yeah, "Rocket 88" has a lot of cachet among historians, but I tend to go with Big Joe Turner as being the turning point.

Yes. The faster you are going the longer it takes to stop, considering that you will cover more ground in the second and a half or so it takes from seeing an obstruction to going "oh crap" to having your foot jammed on the brake, plus the time it takes to drop from your cruising speed down to zero. So decreasing …

"the explosion got him" is a pretty good way to phrase it, too.

Take those doctors down a peg or two, RBatty.

I cried at the end of 11/22/63.

Alec Baldwin donated all his pay from his Capital One campaign to charity. And, like, a good charity, but I can't be arsed to look it up.

Not til I unleash me ironic indie rock band, Chance the Rapper the Band.

I don't understand what the problem was, and the Complex link is broken so all I have is an unsupported claim that people, lots of people, have been saying something, which I thought was the exclusive prerogative of our Commander-in-Chief.

YOU ARE BAD AT CONSOLATION.

I never watched it the first time around because I kind of dislike Scott Bakula.

AND IT WAS WRITTEN BY DIANE FUCKING WARREN.

Michael Rapaport thinks he's honorary Black.

Two things:
1. Demolition Man is terrible, but I can see why we liked it in the 90s.
2. I watched the first episode of Enterprise last night. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT THEME SONG. IT IS POSSIBLY THE WORST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO STAR TREK.

I think a really good Inventory would be "Real bands behind fictional bands." The Kinky Wizards were Royal Trux. Sex Bob-Omb were Beck. Etc.

They're… really fucking good.