We now know the exact monetary value of 19 children's souls: $1,263,157.89 each.

I had guessed we all wanted to see Frank Stallone as Dorothy.

Or the percentage of clean water in the bay slated for use for ocean sports during the 2016 Olympics.

Brazilian series get stubbly and itchy after the second week's episode.

If you need Stormtrooper reenactors, just make more clones.

Already too fat for a Stormtrooper's breastplate.

Today, I've written an article, posted to AVC eleventy billion times, rewritten someone else's article (with their permission), taken a big dump, and geared up for a phone call to the IRS.

Co-workers suck. Even a Louis C.K. about the place would suck.

Infanticide without age restrictions is really the surest means of family planning. Contraceptives can fail even with perfect use, and newborns that show a lot of promise can become huge disappointments as toddlers.

You mean you miss classics like Bringing Up Baby, where it turns out that Katherine Hepburn is a big cat-murdering dentist?

Not even Waylon Flowers and Madame are gay enough for that overcoat, though.

Skinned a couch, he did.

And I'm even straight. But Idris has a duty to show the booty.

This disappoints in so many ways.

The Jazz Singer (With More Singing and Goys)

Emma Stone? Good to see an Asian actress get a top-billed role in a Hollywood movie.

Sorry Sara Schaefer and 1320 Seconds. The failure of The Daily Show to keep its host after 18 seasons proved that satirical newsmagazine shows on cable simply cannot succeed.

It'd be ironic if Robinson slipped in the shower. Equally sad, but ironic.

I thought both your parents were anime tentacle monsters.

The Americas have the larger, pricklier (in both quill and personality) porcupine. Different species, so let's grant superiority to the New World version of the spiked rodent.