You're welcome to hope in one hand and shit in the other. Let me know which one gets filled first.

what a waste of a great name on a terrible person

At least Incognito can take "dirtiest player in the League" off his resume now.

Many studies have concluded that dolphins are almost as intelligent as humans, and today, I'm inclined to believe them.

Sorry guys, but I don't feel too good about this. Gloat if you must, but I just can't condone seeing yet another dolphin getting canned:

The crazy thing to consider is that if Martin hadn't publicly quit the team, we'd hold exactly the same opinion of Incognito as we do now.

This is the boot-lickingest corporate shilling I've seen in a minute. I hope it's factored into your bonus at Under Armor this year; you've earned it.

The number of 7-foot men aged 20-40 in the NBA represents about 17 percent of all such men in the country.

Pictured: What Sarah Palin Thinks Her Orgasms Look Like

So he's only half-racist.

Lately we've seen several demonstrations of how important it is to have good communication between defenders and goalkeepers, and that was clearly lacking in this case. I couldn't understand a word anybody was saying.

Bargnani's shitty start is so depressing as a Knicks fan. I know it's only three games in, but he doesn't seem like the type that'll ever rebound.

Finally, some WNBA coverage.

I suppose it's coincidence they already had a Lamb ready to sacrifice?

That's exactly what my dad's garage code is, if you're interested in stealing a 30-year-old snowblower and a set of golf clubs that seem to have a slice built into them.

How have you not heard Kanye West's new track about enriched uranium?

Find that guy's birthday and I guarantee you've got the keypad code to his garage.

I don't listen to a lot of rap, so forgive me for sounding ignorant, but are there a lot of rap songs about Niger?

So according to his (maybe) father, Richie Incognito is habitually taunting and bullying someone he knows has attempted suicide multiple times. Sounds like Richie Incognito is a real piece of shit, even if you accept every word of his father's story.

At least somebody finally managed to take away the '72 team's status as biggest dicks in team history.