I don't understand the pearl clutching about social justice

But to say that she "Banned Rape" as the HEADLINE of the article suggests is bullshit. This was in no way the banning of rape. She just didn't want her sailors raping the captives when they should be pillaging and plundering and taking as yet more captives.

From what I understand, female captives were let go generally, the prettiest ones forced into marriages with pirates. The bit about the hold is about consensual sex, if a pirate was discovered having consensual sex with a captive (without permission of general) he was beheaded, and the woman would have cannonballs…

So....

Progressive for the time, yes, but I'm still surprised by the fangirling tone here. Letting pirates pick sex slaves from the captives is not exactly something to squeal and flail about.

Some commenters think they have valuable contributions to provide. This commenter, not so much.

You know what's funny? There have been at least 50 comments about how great Dave's story was, and then 2-3 whiny dorks going on about how it was so long and boring and didn't, I guess, conform to the standards of their ADD-addled brains. If someone's only contribution to the conversation is to whine about how long…

Do you think Mark rates the quality of his posts in "No No Cats"? Or "No No Octo"? Seems like a valid way: "This article gets a rating of 15 No No Nos! on the Jezebel"

Shit just got real, yo.

Sorry, I gotta call BS. I'm a kindred moon sister (12 day-long menses, clots that can be measured in in. vs cm, abandon all hope, ye tampons who enter here, etc). You'd absolutely inspect that knob before gobbling on a "heavy flow day", shower or not, if it just came out of your clot-cave.

Like Niki Minaj's, that anaconda did, indeed, not want none.

Ooh! You're so devoted to pleasing your man that you need 100 different ways to do it, but you're so clueless that you needed a magazine to tell you men liked receiving oral sex.

Wait wait wait!! I clicked on the links and saw an article in Cosmo "25 signs you're horny". Now, I didn't open the article, but generally speaking, I know if I'm horny. It's an easily identifiable feeling. I mean... I expect them to give terrible sex "tips", but I didn't realize they would have to tell their readers…

"And If This Self-Effacing Blog Post Highlights My Appealing Quirks, So Be It"

Here in NYC - where cigarettes are approximately $328.56 per pack and are issued with a 12 person "shame chorus" whose only job is to follow you around and tell you how horrible it is that you smoke, to constantly cite statistics about lung cancer and flash photos of people missing limbs due to having once sat near a…

"Can I have another cigarette for later?" and "Can my friend get one, too?" both get a giant FUCK NO NOW WALK AWAY YOU JUST MADE ME REGRET GIVING YOU THE FIRST ONE.

I don't know what the big deal is- if you can get Russell Wilson for Joe Fauria, you take that trade in ANY league.

Maybe try just being straight with her. Someone suggested making up a story about a friend,but... She's not five. Tell her what you told us, and do mention your real life friends who go get tested and how it's not a big deal.