“We’re losing relevance, bitch!”

“Anyway, there’s a ton of sea men all over the place.”

“Too depressing.”

Pete’s convulsing corpse character in the Riverdale sketch was a lot like this episode: dead on arrival, yet constantly moving in confusing, unwanted directions.

Really glad they’ve made Matthew a more prominent character in the series. Andrew Rannells is a fucking delight no matter what he’s in.

Ilana in a badass leather Matrix getup giving boners to random dudes on the street and twerking on Hiram Lodge’s desk was just what I needed to get me through the rest of this shitty week. Thanks, Broad City!

Vernon and Becca casually conning Paul out of his money and sperm with the false hope that they’ll give him a baby is on a whole other level of fucked-up. Really kinda makes the show earn its name.

For some reason, Ilana’s matching hair for her phone case got the biggest laugh out of me, right after the specifically advertised “BM buckets” at Bed Bath & Beyond. This show and its sight gags.

“Lovingly imperfect?” Bullshit. This dumpster fire of a “TV event” was a solid D at best and you know it.

“There she was, the woman I love, sipping on boxed Chablis and spitting in her hand.”

Kinda surprised they had Chris Redd come out as Soulja Boy on Update, seeing as how 99% of the audience probably had no idea why such an annoying one-hit wonder from the 2000s would be referenced in the first damn place.

Nope, it was “100 Years” by Five for Fighting. The show’s Twitter even confirmed it:

“Lisa Frank, BITCH! Mogul, BITCH! Empire, BITCH!”

“Did the Goodwin sisters really get murdered here?”

I can’t even breathe after that. The fact that it’s not even the series finale, even though it damn well could be if it wanted, is all the more insane.

The “husband’s secret family” reveal in the Tabitha sketch got the biggest laugh out of me purely from Leslie and Rachel’s horrified reactions mixed with Cecily’s uneasy calmness. Dark and random as hell, but it worked.

The fact that The A.V. Club is even reporting about this is an even bigger joke than anything Family Guy could ever pull out of its festering ass.

I just about lost my shit when Gretchen’s wedding dress drained out all that toilet water as if she were about to have a damn baby. As far as this show’s sight gags go, that one’s near the top of the bunch.

Seriously. Despite all the hefty paychecks she must keep getting, how has Julie not called it quits yet? Marge sounds worse now than her mom did in the early episodes, and that’s saying a lot.

“AH, SON OF A BITCH, IT BROKE! STUPID CAT, STUPID SNAIL, STUPID DEAD LARRY!”