The dog was just reacting to the idea of fetching the selfie stick.

I like to make mine with about four fingers of Jack Daniels and just a splash of Coke.

"Tits for Tats? That's my kind of policy right there."

Not room for this? BULLSHIT!

Agreed.

Didn’t you hear the good news? Jesus loves a camel toe. Isn’t that what he crossed the desert on? Or was that a donkey.

It’s called being fashionable and knowing how to balance. They love having white on the outside of their bodies, and black inside them.

They were auctioning off a football signed by Sid Luckman too?

A Wilson “Duke” Official NFL football sells for $99.99 at Target. So it is a pretty nice gift. And I think some leather cleaner should be able to get the autograph off.

Last Christmas, I opened a present from the smart-assed Packers fan in-laws (I’m Bears fan, and have taken far more than my share of abuse the past few years) and I saw this...

Bros before hose, my bear friend. Bros before hose.

Agreed

Smokey is kind of a dick after a six pack.

If I wanted a Jay Cutler football I’d go play in the secondary.

“Sure, I appreciate it, Dad. Giving me a football with my own autograph on it just seems a little odd.”

“That guy should have paid $750 for it for seven years.”

How can I put any faith in the accuracy of this report when they believe that a RGIII signed football is worth more than 50 dollars?

I hope someone runs you over.

The writing was on the wall when you went from being a fun guy to being a fungi.