He should have asked for help from Jesus, the Jewish God, Allah, or Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise could have used his witchcraft.

As a person that's never been closer to LA than being in San Diego when I was 12, I really want to go to LA. The pronounced neighborhoods, the food, and finally, getting murdered. I'm booking my flight right fucking now. GOING DOOOOOWWWNNN IN A BLAZE OF GLOOORREEEEEIIIYYY

Gawker: We Can't Afford Helicopters Yet

I mean, kudos to you for not being a psycho.

You realize that TONS and TONS of kids grow up without one or both parents, with siblings that abuse them, who have mental or emotional issues, etc etc etc?

And he'll sneak-watch First Takewhen I'm not around and then try to convince me that Stephen A. Smith has some interesting things to say. (He doesn't.)

I mean, you did raise a giant pussy.

Yup. This is the best guest post on Adequate Man so far. Bravo.

My shoulders are the most sensual part of my body. Covering them is a public service, really.

There's your meow

No props for Derrick Rose? Dude's been playing the "me ow" game in interviews for years.

He's far and away the best corner in the game—maybe by a larger extent than anyone else is the best at their position

I remember that shit started with Charlie Brown and the little red-headed girl he was stalking in class. Fucking misogynistic garbage.

It wasn't "vandalized" so much as "played too many seasons for tom thibodeau"

He wants to spend more time with his family, especially his mom amirite

I do not like to victim blame. BUT.

On the upside, Rahier earned a promotion to AA.

"Non-sexual relationship"? So, they are married?

As a Celtics fan, Kelly O's hair and his soft round baby face/body is definitely enough provocation to do much worse than just push him

You must be mistaken. The only thing a Stanford man habitually beats is Cal.

I'm guessing he's been desperately looking for a way to use "infantilizing" in a sentence and decided that this was as good a time as any.