So, Wait. My wife and I are done with having kids. If I rub myself with binders, sales receipts and sex toys, will my taint shrink and make me infertile?

Now Jones has filed a lawsuit seeking $1,117,466 from the State of Kansas. The complaint asks for $65,000 for each year of his incarceration, plus lawyers fees and costs, according to the Star.

If I was a god, this video is what I’d base all of creation on.

They haven’t said yet how exactly they got to the slippers, but they’re now in the hands of the FBI.

Are we like a year away from the retirement or resignation of the entire republican party? Between the racial snafus, sex scandals and the jail sentences, I feel like I have seen more politicians careers end in the last 2 years, then in the last 20 years.

Not if you were a reptilian alien. Oh no! They’re coming for us!!!!

I longingly pine for the days of PJ masks. Word to the wise. Beware of Descendants, it’s a gateway drug to disney sitcoms.

Perfect system for a serial killer.

Oh, we are passed that. We are in the annoying FGTV gameplay videos and inane laugh-track Disney Channel sitcom phase. 

Thank god my kids are passed this. I had to suffer though Hulk, Batman and Spider-Man versions of “Daddy Finger”. I would smile at my son’s happiness, while the teenage comic fan me was running through the corridors of my brain screaming “Blasphemy!!!”

I agree with you, the media definitely needs to shine a bright spotlight on the person who occupies the office of President. The office of president represents all of us. It is the duty of that person that holds that office to make an effort to rise to that occasion. To try to be the best version of us. 

Agreed. The white house isn’t owned by the president, it’s loaned to him while he does the job. And this is Trump’s problem. He’s seen and treated the presidency as a grand prize and not as a job. The campaign wasn’t a contest, it was a job interview. He thinks the presidency is his and not the American peoples. This…

Okay, but can he at least be made to wear a helmet with the sound of all the babies’ monitors pumped into it. One teething baby’s cries is enough to drive a solitary parent crazy. If they are all teething around the same time, his sanity. Will. Be. Shattered. Muwahahahaha!!!!!!

you’re right. all of them at once.

Is there anyway to make an amendment that if this bill goes through that Rand Paul has to adopt all the babies?

Oh, I just would never give him an excuse to not pay for it, by saying it was damaged. I mean, I’d love to catapult the thing on fire through his living room, but the taxpayers shouldn’t have to be stuck with the bill to make me feel better. Plus, he obviously loves his money more than anything else in the world.…

Walking wouldn’t destroy the environment enough for him; he’d need to drive over in a smokestack that runs on a combo of endangered species, coal and crude oil, or it would be a waste of his time.

“It would be expensive to tear it apart. I don’t see any sense in tearing it apart.”

I’ve never been to Houston, but cities are generally more accepting of differences due to the diverse groups of people that live there. There will always be bad apples, but leaving that stain of a small town was a good call.

When my wife and I got married, our priest had been drinking. He starting making small talk in the middle of the ceremony, forgot about our unity candle, and our first kiss. Afterwards, we made sure all the i’s were dotted and the t’s were crossed and we delivered the paperwork to the city hall ourselves.