but I would assume you’d have to be drinking it nearly every day to get cavities from it.

I pity the poor bastard on the other end of the phone who has to listen to a five year-old trying to order a pizza.

It’s all fun and games until a software glitch causes Judge Lexy to sentence a child to death, and the other children dutifully comply.

My mother makes Choco-hoto cups which have enthralled her friends, who assume that she came up with the recipe from scratch, not realizing she simply followed the recipe from an Oprah episode:

We disagree on this front. I tried to convince my girlfriend to keep an emergency $20 in her purse, but she kept treating it like she had $20 and using it. The point is not to use it unless absolutely necessary. It’s supposed to be there if we’re stuck in the middle of nowhere with somewhere that doesn’t take credit…

Julia Child, I believe (I’ll double check my French Chef recordings when I get home), recommends turning the heat to high, covering the pot with the lid, and letting the onions sit for the first two minutes. This creates steam and pressure, which “sweats” the onions and helps them shed some initial moisture faster…

Keeping the emergency roll of toilet paper or paper towels works because you can usually say, “Alright, I’m on the emergency TP roll. Drop everything I’m doing and go get more right now.”

You lied to me, Alton Brown!

No, the IP is only for the rise. The loaf is baked inside a wax-paper lined Lodge cast iron (non-enameled) dutch oven.

This recipe uses the Instant Pot’s yogurt setting to cut the rise time from 8 hours to 3.5.

Listing acceptable alternatives would be a nice addition to this article. I’ve tried to ween myself off “gyped”, but it’s rather difficult when your only other options include “bamboozled” or “flim-flammed.” I either sound racist or I sound like a 19th-century prospector.

One remake of Secret of Mana

No True Cajun would use vegetable oil as their fat. You use butter like a man, or, even better, use the can of collected bacon fat that you keep in the fridge / under the sink.

Creole gumbo is an unholy abomination that puts diced tomatoes into my beautiful meaty broth. It is not to be trusted.

How about some carnitas / pulled pork / pork shoulder? I’ve tried them oven-cooked, slow cooked, and Instant Pot’d. Sous-vide would be the logical next frontier.

But Nick, I tried thinking what a rich person would do, and “Find some way to fuck the poor” just doesn’t help me much with my flat tire.

Maybe if you had something other than booze in your pantry, Claire, you wouldn’t have to eat so much trash.

Who the hell can afford six cups of Duck Fat?

Well, I stopped using my debit card because I was tired of it getting cancelled three times in as many years due to breaches from Target, Wendy’s, Chipotle, etc. So if I can’t use my debit, and I shouldn’t use my credit, the final option would be cash, in which case paying $700 in cash for a mattress is likely to make…

The high utilization thing is annoying. I get why it’s there, but it seems like the rate of repayment should factor into it.