I was at dinner the other night, got a bit of phlegm in the back of my throat. Excused myself to the bathroom and spit into the trash can, the other guy in there snorted in disgust and looked at me like I was a monster. I was wondering where he thought it’d be acceptable, did they have a spittoon I missed somewhere?!…

I obviously didn’t realize. When will Septa Unella be arriving to follow me around and ring the shame bell?

I don’t think I ever played Gwent during my witcher play through without getting my ass handed to me. I tried to get familiar with the mechanics but got discouraged from the ceaseless losing.

I’m trying but my PTSD starts fucking with my head pretty bad when I get even slightly angry. I’m sorry I called you an asshole, I should’ve realized my joke was bad. I’d honestly only seen Hilary interact with children probably three times and that’s all I could base my opinion on, I’m absolutely not a cognitive…

Cause I love Trump, I’m a Nazi, and I torture small animals and upholster the ottomans in my sex dungeon with the skin of underprivileged children. It was literally just my personal opinion, from the very limited interactions that I’ve seen her with children, which is the only thing I can base opinions on. Obviously…

Thank you by the way, I appreciate you taking the time to actually engage me as opposed to telling me to go fuck myself or what a twat I am.

That you have the pallid complexion and smell of a pastry that’s been rotting on the side of the street? It being me, a baby eating monster, probably just some racist nazi slur. Read into it a lot!

A pastry rotting on the street, despite the fact I’m an uninformed monster I do possess the perspicacity to know what ette means and infer you were in fact female. I’m actually bisexual myself so no homophobia implied I just think you’re an asshole. I made an innocuous comment, you told me, a complete stranger, to…

Honestly, before I was a monster who fed off the life force of small handicapped children, I was saying that in the capacity that she’d been trying to be president so long, it’s been a contentious campaign, I don’t think she’d take the time to affectionately pet childrens’ heads. I’m sure she’s a lovely grandma and…

You’re literally a lesson my hapkido teacher instilled in me since I was twelve. You’re dear to my heart, sorry I upset you.

You’re lovely, I wish you all the best.

I died, everyone can be happy now. Good luck!

Hey thanks! I know nothing about you nor what you stand for, but I hope you get eaten by gaboon vipers you pus-laden rotting gutter twinkie!

Right, well if I wasn’t being pleasant enough, I’ve observed you’re well liked around here. Have a nice Tuesday, and if you’d like to continue being a tactless asshole please do so. You’ve villified me far out of proportion. Hope you have a lovely breakfast of eggs Benedict with a lightly cinnamon spiced dark salsa…

Gods I miss my hammock, a pinnacle of relaxation when it’s pleasant outside. A tightly woven Endor style trap for the dogs and I when it’s cold...

Children should be processed for raw materials!!! I love pollution and Satan! Belgephor 2016, sloth in slander, wooo!!!

Just gotta hack it!

I hope you have a good Tuesday, I look forward to more brutal excoriations in regards to my thoughts on Hillary’s head pet capacity.

What? Excuse my apparently unwarranted condemnation of her head petting in regards to children. Hopefully my own child can leave a sliver of my neck skin attached, I’m going to have him honor kill me out of this. Prior to my decapation I’d like to say, you are being judgmental, my comment was innocuous. *severed head…

No they were obviously puppets, remnants from Lucasfilm’s buyout, but I wasn’t fooled. *poops in a old can of beans then puts it back in his refrigerator, gets back in tin foil space suit, and continues fighting the Galgamecks*