I have eaten entirely too much of a jar of jam straight up on numerous occasions. I’ll start making a PB&J then it rapidly spirals into a fucking Winnie the Pooh scenario where I’m just jam shoveling

Same with mine, mostly my dad though. Definitely gave me a taste for some better healthy foods but also kind of caused me to fetishize sugar.

It’s already that time of year for the Culling of the Juggalos? I’ll go get my harpoon gun out of storage.

Estelle Spaghetti maybe? My previous thought train has derailed completely, no survivors.

Yes I’m Phoebe, we’ve met before? I have hollow bones, like a bird? Loved her on Newsroom but that’s always where my brain goes.

You forgot it will also be pouring rain the entire time. Indoors even.

To what end would she stage it? Garner sympathy?....Villainize France?

My friends new fiancé (only dating six months but thirty is rapidly approaching and I think they believe your supposedly to be married by then or something) has barred him from hanging out with me because my girlfriend is very regularly around me. Women in general too but this is just hilarious to me that she’s so…

While I’m wildly inclined to agree with you that he is in fact an asshole, random clowns leaping from ditches is generally startling.

I hadn’t realized the depths of Chili’s engendered depravity.

Fucked up clown weirdos, a possibly evil billionaire running for president. Please become Batwoman, we need you now.

Wouldn’t be surprised if it was indeed Jell-O, our cuisine was not necessarily five star. Sous vide halibut with merlot poached almonds and herbes fines was only on Friday.

It’s like when I compulsively clean my apartment after I do something I’m ashamed of, soul washing

Was it an aggressively yellow butterscotch?

My first apartments prior inhabitant was Dartario Endertrouge. Got (his?) mail for roughly two years. Adopted it as my alias, thanks Dartario.

Take another little chunk of my lung now baby!!!

Crossed my mind, still would have to be very slender though. When I wasn’t vainly trying to sleep or listening to generic recovery-oriented platitudes I tried puzzling this out pretty regularly.

When I was in recovery my neighbor across the hall was named Arthur. He was an alcoholic who realized he had a problem when he woke up on the patio of a Chili’s with his penis lodged in a beer bottle. Good luck Cudi, hopefully your neighbor is equally inspiring. Side note: always wanted to see his junk as it was…

I know I sound like a jaded heartless bastard but I just cannot fathom the appeal of marriage. I’ve been with my gal for over ten years now and neither of us have once felt the need to have a party and sanctify our union. I have three friends getting married who’ve been with their partners ranging from six months to…

Cats like ‘don’t touch my flame sac bro’