You have to watch for roughly fourty minutes while a dog walks out, sniffs around, itches itself, finally culminating in it pooping on your leg. Followed by a sixty minute Creed/Nickleback mix interspersed with clips of knee surgery.

Thanks for your cogent argument!

Hey, I’m just saying what my head crab tells me to.

I’d rather be dragged through a room of barbed wire and salt by my scrotum wherein lemon juice and vinegar were raining from the ceiling then be summarily attacked by rabid sea lions than watch baseball.

Yea I’d rather a lion ate White Castle and needles for a month then had explosive diarrhea into my ear/face rather than hear about how adorable/relatable Chrissy Tiegen is. Here I was thinking I was reading about the flaming hulk of the Pitt marriage.

Right, set aside your moral outrage/disappointment and vote for something more efficacious than a race car made of your own poop. No disrespect to proponents of poop cars.

I don’t really understand how she’s become such a martyr. I’ve found a really fool proof way of not being locked in solitary confinement. I get up, make breakfast, then generally don’t commit treason. I guess I’m a soulless monster who sustains solely on the unblemished hearts of the innocent but I do not get the…

I know this isn’t the correct forum. It got me thinking about Fire Emblem though and I’ve gotta say-I absolutely hated Fates. The weird incest-y plot line left me devoid of any attachment to the characters (who were mostly mildly elaborate re-skins), and I just thought it was the poops. Give me Awakening any day,…

If I had ten thousand Prussian Francs for every time my cat scratched me and I went on a violent homicidal rampage...

My license and passport both say I’m a woman! Was told I needed to bring in my birth certificate to change it, I say fuck it I’m a pretty lady.

I personally wear a bunch of semi-alive jellyfish strewn together with barbed wire. Makes me feel alive!

Having never been in a city ‘under curfew’ I’ve wondered how it’s put into practice.

I assume as a fellow lizard person you’ll be voting for Grand Viscount Slitheros? May his scales blacken the sun.

Or a rum cocktail from the same era

Do you turn into a person-sized anthropomorphic felid at night then go marauding for easily shredded things like flesh and card board?

I guess they’re famous and think they’ll be an edgy trendsetter or something? Well my husband and I came up with the name Princess Composite Unicorn Wax Sprinkler when we were drinking anejo on PCP with our Kabbalahists fecal analyst Jeroffrey...

Vibrator shaped like a cowboy boot

When will she just take off her flesh suit, reveal she’s a lizard person and admit she was sent by Grand Viscount Slitheros to destroy humanity?!?!

Never really had paranoia issues inside my own house. Unless the blood I drew the hexagram in my sanctum gets smudged thusly releasing the ghost tigers I’d ensnared within.

The guy who wrote the second letter doesn’t really seem to have low self esteem seeing as how multiple times in his letter he stated how pretty he is and that he’s so good at doing the sex...