I’m the beverage director at a small Italian restaurant in MA, and literally every. single. hour. we are open I either go running to the owner or she comes running to me to share the latest obnoxious, self-centered thing a guest has said or done. It is just an unceasing onslaught of bullshit, and even when it’s slow…

Hey! It’s not forced, it’s “encouraged”!

Hey Ari, I’ve been reading Kotaku for longer than I can remember (2006, I think? Jesus...), and it’s been hard to see so many staff writers I’ve come to love and respect move up and/or on. There’s been a certain degree of anxiety on my part as new writers, such as yourself, replace them because I don’t know your…

Just a forewarning: if the original felt like a letdown to you, you’ll probably feel even more so with this one. I’m playing it and enjoying it, but, for whatever reason, it feels a little thinner than the first two games. Maybe because it just feels like more of the same? There’s also no Patissier job anymore, which…

It’s really weird seeing Daniel Brühl as Zemo as he will forever be Alex from ‘Goodbye, Lenin!’ in my mind (because UGH what a wonderful movie).

‘Ey! I snagged one today, also from Best Buy! Congrats! Wish there were more games specifically for it, but I’m looking forward to no longer having the jet engine that is my PS4 Pro in my bedroom anymore.

This looks like all the low-budget schlock of a Tremors movie without any of the self-irreverent camp. Which is, y’know, what made Tremors any fun at all.

You just made my day AND taught me something new. Thank you.

Cosmetics, extra upgrade materials (but not a gamebreaking amount), enough premium currency to pay for the pass itself, but nothing related to your character’s power.

You pay $60 for the privilege to play the game, and then some people can choose to spend their money on cosmetic items, which in turn probably helps keep the content updates the devs will be releasing monthly containing new missions and heroes free. So...yeah. Hope that’s okay with you, boss.

Speaking of tail tag, can my teammates please stop taking my tail? Like, what does this even achieve?

I’ve never been a huge fan of the “classics” like SMB, so this list might read like I’m temporally short-sighted. But my top 3 platformers are:

Although I am white, my baby brother is black and he really needed to hear this sentiment. He already had the displeasure of having to move to Georgia when we were kids and suffering through the plethora of fucked-up-ness that entailed, and now he just wants to sit in his room and write screenplays and watch Netflix…

Not really applicable in an article titled “Tips for Playing Final Fantasy VII Remake,” but I hear it’s difficult to read when you’re choking on your own self-righteous indignation.

Labeling things “normal” is also both totally relative and utterly reductive. The urge to make oneself feel special and unique by belittling those that don’t fall into our niche or social grouping is very natural, but you and the people around you will be much happier if you can wean yourself off of such behavior. 

Oh boy, I haven’t played this game since it was first released, but I’m glad to hear support for it is still going relatively strong! I have some really fond memories of putting on Sigur Ros in the background and wandering around the sandbox until one of those freakin’ wolves got me. And then starting a new game and…

It doesn’t have poop jokes? Yes, there’s a lot of poop in the game, but, as someone who has played the game, not once did I see a turd in BoI and laugh. Not even close. If anything, the poop, while cartoon-ish in its representation because that’s the style of the game, made the setting that much more unsettling. A…

It looks a lot better, but what really irks me is this obnoxious cover of Blitzkrieg Bop. Like, why would you sing it this way? “LET’S GOOooo!” Stop it.

This just in: Young adults overly proud as they repeat a childish chant to get on the nerves of their equally childish and overly proud progenitors.

Guys guys, he’s clearly making some sort of Frasier reference. It’s Kelsey Grammer, not Kelsey Grammar.