Great piece Rich, thanks. Very informative, especially for the most boring gay dude in Canada. I laughed that you got ‘ab-checked’ at the door.

What’s not to understand: fuck you, you’re not rich.

Yeah, she spent most of the video saying “I AM AN AMERICAN CITIZEN AND YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME! I AM A CITIZEN AND YOU CANT TREAT ME THIS WAY!” The entire time the officer was saying things like “Reese, come on.” or “Reese, just comply and make this quicker and easier for you.”

Pepto Abysmal.

Seriously. Plus... she’s Australian. I would NEVER pick a fight with an Aussie.

I think you’re right. I’ve seen the drunk tape. Reese Witherspoon would come in guns blazing, but Nicole would be much more calculating. Its the difference between cold anger, the type you can use, and hot anger, the type that uses you.

Nicoles got the reach. Reese would punch herself out by the third.

Kidman all the way. She seems like she can hold her own in a fight and also cut a bitch with her words and facial expressions. Here she is subtly dissing Giada di Laurentiis’s pizza:

I mean, did you see her on that show where she had to cook? BRUTAL AND SAVAGE.

Nicole would literally do that thing where you put your hand on your kid sister’s head and hold them at arms length.

Good grief… Nicole’s an Aussie! Reese would be cut, just like that. No question.

100% Reese is the girl who will taunt you at your locker surrounded by a gaggle of other girls, and Nicole is the one who will just slam your head in it and walk away.

Nicole could swat Reese away, like a fly. Nicole has an understated, refined toughness whereas Reese is a drunk driver who tells cops “do you know who I am?!!”

Nicole is from Australia, land of convicts.

She seems scrappy like an annoying chihuahua. All yap, no fight.

It’s hard to find a balance. Stuff like this is questionable to me because it’s like, yeah, she misused a word, we all do it. But at the same time my baser self is like sweet, let’s make fun of this dumbass, helping to fuck up the country earns you a little petty vitriol.

This is messy awful pedantry. You can use otherwise to compare two forms of positivity, it does not have to be positive versus negative.

I used to be firmly in the camp of “keep reporting and poking the bear, because it’s necessary to the health of our democracy even if I don’t like it.”

“So why do black people continue to bank white?”