I want ivanka to fail miserably for the rest of her life on a level heretofore unheard of and hope she, junior, and Eric eventually feel the full weight of the misery and anguish they have put the world through.

Sounds like they watched too much of a “Blunt Talk”.

“Doctor” Phil has always been a noxious shitbag.

“But women can have sex anytime they waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant! It’s not faaaaaaaaaaaaair! It’s not the saaaaaaaaaaaaaame!”

Yes - basically underwear was two separate sort of sleeves, one for each leg, that tied around the waist and were open in the middle. Eventually they added buttons to fasten them — still open between the legs.

That’s not fair, The Islamic State (ISIS) also issued a celebratory press release.

I often read The Guardian in the mornings, and a couple of times I’ve accidentally clicked on http://www.theguardian.pe.ca/ , out of Prince Edward Island in Canada. Sometimes, like this morning, I do so on purpose; frankly I’d rather read about this year’s potato harvest, that Bessie The Cow will return to the…

As if I haven’t cried enough this week 😔

There is no German word for it because we Germans are basically way too constipated to ever experience such a perfectly clean poop!

Ah yes, the famous city of Seoul, North Korea.

I’d vote on a fucking overhead projector just to see the shocked faces of all the old folks voting for Trump.

“former graphic designer”

You shush your mouth. That hilarious hippo picture was hilarious and that was all it needed to be.

Wow. You’re nice.

It’s not so much my husband and I keeping each other out of our digital space, it’s more not really caring to be in each other’s digital space. Between his gmail and work email accounts, my husband has 19,000 unread emails. (Not an exaggeration — that number on the ‘mail’ icon on his iPhone keeps growing.) Clearly…

Most of my friends weren’t 21 when I turned so we went to Applebees and the bartender was being a dick to me - really condescending - and when he heard it was my 21st he was like “Oh so I guess you want a daiquiri?” and I DID but I wasn’t going to take that shit from him so I said “No! I want a scotch & soda” and he…

They only stay around if you keep feeding them. I tend to lure them into a trap, then take them in for their shots and a neutering, then set them loose again miles from where I live.

At this point if I were a Kardashian, I’d be looking at a stranger’s gift of a fancy car as a Trojan Horse. With tiny robbers or one regular sized burglar, hiding inside ready to slip inside my house and steal all my jewelry.

Please. My son turned one this weekend and he got like 7 cars and a few trucks from random people. I asked him about it this morning, he said he doesn’t remember a thing.