I’ve spent my entire life leaving bad reviews about myself, I mean, once my badness was drilled into me by my parents: 1. A bit bipolar 2. I’m a phony, but a real phony. 3. Substance issues galore!!! 4. Lazy 5. Not as clever as I think I am. 6. Everyone is looking at me! 7. I'm hopeless with puzzles, and not the…

Not to make light of this woman’s experience but on my work record from a previous job is an official write up admonishing me to “stop stealing coworker’s hair and doing magic spells with it”.

I read this monologue in Sarah Michelle Gellar’s voice and it just made me miss Buffy so much :’(

Sympathy, maybe. (We’re all God’s creatures, says the atheist.) But that’s about it.

Is the source for this material the 2016 GOP Platform?

“if I ever decide to have a child, there goes pooping in solitude and silence”

I’m sharing my secret shame with you right now -

Also, consider pulling a harness (with ID tags) on the cat to which you can attach a leash in case you have to remove kitty from carrier for any reason.

I went to high school with Lexi Fretz. Believe me, she doesn’t get what is going on. She has been giving interviews with major new outlets about how she is grateful that CMP is using Walter’s images to spread their “pro-life” message. She thinks that was God’s purpose for her miscarriage. She doesn’t get even…

Don’t forget “The House Bunny” where they dorks needed to be made over into hotties to literally not become homeless.

I was talking to my Dad one day and he point blank says “We’re looking at houses in Florida to buy for the winter because I’m worried it’s too cold for the dog to go outside here.”

This asshole will eat anything and everything. He has cost us a decent amount in emergency bills for eating dumb things. But look at his face!!!!

Do dogs get Prader-Willi syndrome? I’m saying yes. Exhibit A, Rollo.

I understand this dog. I mean, who among us has never chewed the locks off of a container to eat a dozen chocolate muffins?

It’s Kelly Jones, he doesn’t appear to have aged since the early 00’s.

Congratulations, you have successfully identified the rhetorical device known as parody. You win one free lorazepam.

you don’t get to make decisions like this for a dead person

Things I hate to admit (journalist here):

OMG this reminds me of this video my friend made me watch: