Doesn’t work for me, but that’s ok because my imagination is filling in the blanks.

So he’s saying when he comes back he’s going to choose an attractive female to reincarnate into?

When I was in Japan this summer I learned from my friend who is a middle school teacher there all about these all-girl groups. He can’t stand how all his students are into them. The messaging behind them is so incredibly disturbing. They are simultaneously marketed as being as pure as fresh-fallen snow as well as…

Honestly, I think I would do well with big gestures and continue to fail at the little things. Like oh, you’re having financial troubles? Here’s a fat check, don’t mention it. Hang out and go to dinner this Saturday night? Uhh sorry, I have to stay home and watch Netflix with takeout in blissful solitude.

We have a travel agent in the bottom floor of my small office building here in Chicago, and I always feel a little bad in that I’ve never, ever seen anyone in there.

Yep, she does the containers too! Honestly, I wouldn’t mind it too much if it wasn’t for the fact that it seems like people who do it HAVE to promote it, and make money whenever they sign someone up. Isn’t that essentially a pyramid scheme?

She also disapproves of young Mohammed's penmanship, as well.

Or their kids.

Never used, but my ex is my ex because of it. Meth can be swallowed, snorted, smoked or injected.

Was this filmed through a sheen of bacon fat?

In true republican form, women only exist if they are some how related to them. Otherwise, a ‘woman’ is a thing that needs to be controlled and belittled.

I find the unrelenting passage of time to be alarming as well so I’m going to have to side with the police on this one.

I was just thinking “well, he probably never even considered making a bomb. But now...” Fuck this school.

My boobs are concave. No matter what bra I wear I have never had cleavage. No.Matter.What. I hate any and everyone who has that ability. I gained a shitton of weight at one point and my boobs got wider, they did not get ‘girlier’. And with the weight loss my abnormally low hanging fruit became even more low hanging…

Help us Sam Bee, you’re our only hope.

I always use that line from Hot Fuzz when someone asks me for my birthday.

Anybody? Bueller?

The thing that always gets me about this ‘debate’ is the way that women are so patronised about it. There seems to be this assumption that women are walking around making decisions which go against their wishes, somehow not sentient, and then waking up at some point like “OMG I FORGOT TO HAVE KIDS!!!!”. At which point…

I am pretty clear on the power dynamics of the program— I think the show relied on certain Christian based newlywed paradigm, the virginal naive young wife and the stern fatherly husband— sort of a 1950’s like perfect image of married life that was intended to be quaint and funny like a more conservative Ricky and…

When I was a kid, my family went on a trip to Italy. There’s really no mistaking us as Jewish. We fit the stereotype look too well. So we’re outside the Vatican and browsing some guy’s cart full of Vatican/Catholic trinkets, and he turns to my Dad and says to him, in Yiddish, “what’s a nice Jewish boy like you doing…