Hiram: “Chaos is a ladder...”

“See our ripped abs? We’re gonna beat you! We’re gonna beat you off!”

Molly gets it.

Also, is Veronica straight up starting all of her days with mimosas at this point? I kinda want to see her drunk at school now.

I’m #TeamTeamDumb

What was he sharpening?!?!?

And I love that the school is so lax in security that a classroom can be commandeered for a vigilante meeting AND both Jughead and the sheriff can waltz onto school property with ease.

Definitely best episode of the season so far.

Molly Ringwald just by not being in Riverdale & imploring Archie to get the f**k out of there by default I think remains the best parent in town

Archie: “We’re the Hood-beaters!”

I still cannot believe that they got Wallace Shawn for the interrogator. He was great. He looked like the f society mask. The tea kettle was a perfect touch.

They both are terrific shows with their own distinctive worlds and tones, but a Riverdale-iZombie crossover, it has to be said, would be a blast.

Is is possible that Hiram IS the hood guy, or perhaps more likely he is paying that guy? The fact that Fred Andrews was specifically targeted for “adultery” certainly suggests that, to me—who else would know that, or would even really consider Fred & Hermione dating while both are separated from their spouses to be…

HE’S JUST REALLY BAD AT GUNS YOU GUYZ

but it’d be SOOO incredibly Riverdale.

It’d be pretty weird if all the gunshot victims survived, but the cello-bow victim didn’t.

Excuse me. I think you mean Flipper and Qwerty.

Knuckle-Dragging Dummy Jock Who Also Happens to be Bisexual AND Super Nice is definitely a new direction for the archetype. Beyond our beloved Cheryl (and she has her moments), most of the Riverdale students are pretty nice. Even drug-peddling Reggie seemed to genuinely care about Archie’s well-being.

Wait, Kevin shows up to assist all the cheerleaders clean the graffiti off Pops, and they didn’t give him a matching outfit with short shorts?

UNACCEPTABLE

Honestly? It was probably just fear. First, most people don’t know NDAs can’t restrict speech w/r/t a crime, and even if they do know, they understand that the individual that requested it will likely pursue litigation, meritless or not. She’s found her voice and won’t be silenced.

With Kinja, the writers for the site have to follow you for a permanent ungraying (which is bullshirt, frankly, but w/e).