A reminder from your friendly neighborhood Deadpool.

The mandate to eat the bag of dick stands, just not a mandated coverage for any subsequent health issues.

No, but they will get a refundable tax credit for each dick consumed.

I am a defense attorney and you are 100% correct. His attorney has an obligation to provide a full and professional defense. Anything else, like this social media garbage, is not required and reveals the person to be opportunistic garbage. My job is to defend my client against the legal charges in court. Not serve…

It’s the Welfare Queen thing all over again, really. If a system is not 100% perfect in using taxpayer money and there are non-virtuous individuals using government programs, the programs themselves are clearly not worth it and should be scrapped. I mean, who cares if a program is 99% successful; if that 1% is wasting …

I won’t be taking the day off. I’m not self employed and I work for a major corporation but my boss is awesome and honestly a day off just kind of screws me over. It’s too busy to get into the weeds.

How dare you call him a cotton plantation come to life and then not use his honest to God full fucking name....Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III. It’s like leaving the punchline off of a joke.

I think I have a photo of him being arrested

Yup. The Wet Bandits have more deceptive prowess than these assholes.

He is almost God’s perfect person

Not when he’s giving a rim-job, he doesn’t.

I suggest you read the rest of what Rand Paul tweeted, then you won’t have to defend him. He’s not so much concerned about secrecy as he is that it will be too similar to Obamacare.

“generic looking robot centaur”

It’s so funny how cis folk can oppress, harass, and murder trans folk but when a trans person succeeds despite this we have the fucking nerve to call him the cheater.

Any outrage people choose to feel about this should be directed at the people who made Mack wrestle girls, not Mack himself. That’s fucking idiotic. And before someone comes in and says “He shouldn’t have competed at all if it wasn’t fair,” here’s a preemptive gif:

Hey Bobby, where do watermelons go in the summer? Answer: John Cougar’s Meloncamp. Carry on.

It was literally you.

I think Duane Johnson’s introduction of Lin-Manuel Miranda shows that he should host.

Taraji is always happy for other people to win: