And to think, reporting on bathing with bears is how this whole mess started. Well played.

Why did they cut it off before Putin comes up for air? smdh

Do not Google “Bears in bathtubs” at work unless you work somewhere very progressive and/or somewhere in the midst of a bankruptcy.

It really does show something about this guy that he immediately thought of his penis when he read the name of the column.

Can’t wait for his college lecture series: “guys, it’s not worth it. If you’re going to rape an unconscious girl, make sure you take her into a room with a good solid lock on it. Out back next to the dumpster is JUST TOO RISKY. Even if you can swim real fast.”

Blacks are to be tolerated.

I know it’s completely dismissing your point (which is great in itself), but +1 for “turbofuck.”

Hook up/party culture and sexual promiscuity are the shit head dog whistle for “she was a slut and she wanted it. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

(Whispers) not all white men

Fuck this guy, and turbofuck his enabling dad.

These things force me to never want to put myself in a position where I have to sacrifice everything.

“I wish I’d never been so athletic and handsome!”

2016 America: Where a 12-year old boy is shot and killed by the police for playing with a toy and it’s his fault because he should have “known” that people would see him as a threat, while a full-grown adult who rapes an unconscious woman and tries to flee should only have to endure a couple months of jail because…

you can see the Flying Elbow Cop thinking “THIS IS IT! THE MOMENT I’VE TRAINED MY WHOLE CAREER FOR! THE PEOPLES ELBOW!!!!”

Process Server: Mr Manziel? You’ve just been served.

Luckily for him, he's not an NFL player anymore.

Defenses still matter. Didn’t a defense just win the Broncos a Super Bowl? Peyton Manning was essentially a spectator this postseason.

Sherman [burns down established thinking]

All congressman were present for the vote except newly elected Pete Carroll, who decided to pass.

I learned all I needed to know about getting hot babes from the 90s Taco Bell commercials where the chihuahua is trying to capture Godzilla.