You say that like it’s a bad thing

SUPER stoked about getting mom’s car for the night

From the country that brought us maths, sport, and drink-driving

That objective/subjective categorization is hilarious to me, and reminds me of the “judge-scored sports aren’t real sports” crowd. Strike zone? Foul, or na? WHAT IS A CATCH, ffs? All subjective. 

Please tell Iris we love her <3

I was complimenting your clever pun.

It will be a good step when he moves to impeach. Anything short of that is cowardice.

I still remember the grin on his face after he dodged the first shoe - it was the happiest he’d looked since he took office, like a dog who overheard someone say walk. You could practically read the thought-bubble: “finally, a game I’m good at!”

In my imaginary future we skip straight to the funeral.

James Rodriguez is a sexy motherfucker.

Checkmate.

“I was thinking of Lady Liberty above me, you are so huge, you have always been a symbol of welcome to people arriving in America and right now, for me under this sandal, she is a shelter.”

Ah, see, you didn’t read the fine print. “This clause is for white people only. May not be combined with any other coupons.”

Hello darkness my old friend

Facebook-powered comment sections are the absolute worst. People say heinous shit to each other, and their real names and pictures are RIGHT THERE! “Oh, it looks like the all-caps ranting about wetbacks guy owns his own construction business. Time for some clever reviews!”

“These are not the ‘roids you’re looking for”

I didn’t know it was possible to be so passionate about the status quo.