Enjoy your practice squad cars and your practice squad beds and your practice squad apartments. After I’m done doing throws here I’m going to step inside the mouth of a whale and the whale will take me to my luxury condo out near the edge of the continental shelf where mermaids will be my bed. Do you get it? I am…

somebody get this kid a coke.

Genuinely curious: What other word would be preferable? To me, “workers” means “people who work.” I don’t necessarily think there’s any implication of wages there. Obviously, the work done by slaves wasn’t done by their choice, but they were primarily (forcibly) brought over to (forcibly) work.

DAMMIT, PINKHAM.

Yeah, pretty much. Also, I’m in Dallas, too!

Please no she deserves better than that greasy beard on chicken legs.

1. Scientology

Honestly, making a woman cum during foreplay is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Works in a few ways:

I wish I had a prestigious illustration award to give Tara Jacoby for this illustration.

You take that shit back about Pitch Perfect. I won’t have it. I will not have it, sir.

The best part? Bumgarner is doing nothing wrong. He’s watching the ump from the mound, waiting for him to get into position so he can begin his delivery.

I thought it was boring. I think that people have been hyping it up forever and when I finally fell out of an airplane it wasn’t as fantastic as everything led me to believe.

And Manziel hasn’t done anything to warrant being benched, other than, I guess, not being Josh McCown.

The cover of This Love is soooooo good, I can’t stand it.

Oh, I get it. Kind of like how the Chiefs call Andy Reid the Burger King.

Show me on the doll where Steve Jobs touched you.

we get it, you're very cool

I know, taking multimillion dollar bribes from corporations in exchange for lucrative contracts with foreign governments and then refusing to turn over your private server until the incriminating emails can be purged is so yawn.

Can I borrow five dollars?

Look yo, like this movie or hate this movie, whatever. But can we please stop acting like having money makes you immune to boredom or loneliness or any other type of problems? It's not true, and it's harmful.