This reminds me of quite possibly the greatest “Choose Your Own Adventure” book ever written:

Here’s Leonidas’ dick and balls.

Doesn’t count. Everyone who is an actual fan of the Olympics knows that Leonidas is the GOAT. He didn’t have all the fancy accommodations that Olympians have now, like shoes and anti-chaffing nipple tape. Do you know what they did back then if your chaffed nips got infected? They took’em.