"She was clearly provoking him. Women need to learn not to provoke men like that"

Nope. Just showed the video to my Ravens fan girlfriend. She brushed it off as "self-defense" (fuckin lol) and said a more credible source then TMZ is needed before she changes her mind. Bullshit. She (and many other Ravens fans) will never, ever be able to admit to themselves that poor "Ray-ray" could actually hit a…

The handrail in the elevator has also expressed regret for its involvement.

I hate you so hard right now.

With the Cowboys, $$$ trumps Texas social graces. Sam sold the second most jerseys in the post-draft to pre-season period. Jerry's thinking globally. Getting him on the field means jersey revenue, and the Cowboys get more of a cut of that than other NFL teams.

Update (7:14 p.m.): Mike Florio's source says Welker had taken molly cut with amphetamines at the Kentucky Derby in May. Welker was also handing out $100 bills to random people that day.

Goddammit, we are.

+6 the other way

In related news, Giants fans mourn the passing of Eli Manning.

Sam and his family are originally from Texas. Is Yosemite Sam a possible relation?

If Sam doesn't catch on with the Cowboys, I suppose he is always able to join the Indians, Construction Workers, Sailors or Police Officers.

I hope he ends up being a HOF for them. There would be a lot of confused (more than usual) fans if that happened.

Jerry's gonna pay off that mortgage one jersey sale at a time.

Texas seems like the natural habitat for a guy with two first names.

"Lord, why couldn't I have been born twenty years later, and been blessed with a larger penis?"

Just so were clear here, if you go look at the pictures you are an asshole. You may not think you are, you may think you're a great guy. You're not, you're an asshole.