I hate you so hard right now.

With the Cowboys, $$$ trumps Texas social graces. Sam sold the second most jerseys in the post-draft to pre-season period. Jerry's thinking globally. Getting him on the field means jersey revenue, and the Cowboys get more of a cut of that than other NFL teams.

Update (7:14 p.m.): Mike Florio's source says Welker had taken molly cut with amphetamines at the Kentucky Derby in May. Welker was also handing out $100 bills to random people that day.

Goddammit, we are.

+6 the other way

In related news, Giants fans mourn the passing of Eli Manning.

Sam and his family are originally from Texas. Is Yosemite Sam a possible relation?

If Sam doesn't catch on with the Cowboys, I suppose he is always able to join the Indians, Construction Workers, Sailors or Police Officers.

I hope he ends up being a HOF for them. There would be a lot of confused (more than usual) fans if that happened.

Jerry's gonna pay off that mortgage one jersey sale at a time.

Texas seems like the natural habitat for a guy with two first names.

"Lord, why couldn't I have been born twenty years later, and been blessed with a larger penis?"

Just so were clear here, if you go look at the pictures you are an asshole. You may not think you are, you may think you're a great guy. You're not, you're an asshole.

Yes. Basically. Dick pics = autonomy and bitches want dicks. Female nudes = whore shouldn't have done it if she wasn't a whore.

So, let me get this straight, Reddit.