No grade? What, do you expect me to read and interpret your words like a sentient human being? You fucking monster.

I don't feel good about myself for laughing as hard as I did.

This is hurtful but I appreciated it anyway, YOU SONOFABITCH

A couple little bones? That's nothing. Dez Bryant's entire home is broken and he still shows up every week.

He's gonna be Michael Jordan for the rest of the year too. Problem is, it'll be Wizards MJ, clanking 18 footers off the front of the rim.

An old man playing with kids? He's Michael Jackson every day.

So Dr. Jerry Jones MD is making the medical decisions again?

Apparently, people take survival horror now as a closet hiding simulator or combat that's standard 3rd person action. Survival horror (old Silent Hill, old Resident Evil, Fatal Frame) always had scarce ammo, tank'd controls or the equivalent, and clunky combat. But, one thing this game doesn't have is old school…

I liked it. Not gonna lie. On a side note, may I change my username? I don't wanna be tied to the Pudding Rapist anymore.

Those arnt the greatest parts of those games though, where is the tension? The suspense? The false sense of security? The luls and the highs (puzzles and shooting zombies)? Where are the subtle chances when you return back to someplace where you have been? Where is the backtracking and exploration?

"Actually, it's about ethics in journalism."

They WERE the best.

You forgot to mention this weekend is homecoming. Perfect really. You come back for one weekend and get kicked right in the balls by Pitt sports one more time

I got caught NOT masturbating, but got blamed for it anyway.

That reminds me of when I was in my 20s, a woman told me about how she got away with rubbing some out in school. I didn't have a sister but had an uptight mother so the ways of girls were always kind of a mystery to me growing up. She told me about how she'd be sitting in some boring early afternoon English class and…

Ehh, to be fair, probably not the first seed in your dad's mind. ;-)

1992ish. Each afternoon I had about an hour and a half between when I got home from school and when my dad got home from work. I was 13, so that time was often spent spanking it. One day I was flipping through one of the many stupid magazines my mom got in the mail and bam, there was Marky Mark in his underwear. So I…

So I'm wailing on myself when the door flies open and...

Word of caution to all of you new parents out there: it's exhausting having a newborn in the house, and you have zero privacy piled onto your sleep deprivation.

Lets just tell masturbation stories, I didn't get caught, but when I was about 15 and in boy scouts, we had a 25 mile bike trip. Pretty much just took a couple hours on a saturday riding around some highways that no one used. I was a little slower than everyone else, so I found myself well behind the pack. Bike…