So. Subtle.

God forbid.

Hitting her bong?? You mean Miley Cyrus does DRUGS? COLOR ME SHOCKED.

...which chat site?

Oh my goodness the flashlights I’ve accumulated. I think I've even gotten one for Valentine's Day.

What's your leftovers status? You, uh, need any help with them?

Now I’m going to be on the lookout for neighbors in distress.

I have an irrational love of A Christmas Kiss. I’ve watched it like four times this year, no shame.

Santa left me a car jump start kit this year. Dad, on Santa’s behalf, explained that “Well, people who are single and live alone need these things!!” Merry Christmas, everyone.

Uh. I feel like that's kind of a...harsh picture of Kesha.

I heard a recording of him doing a Q&A session on some public radio show a while back. Someone asked if he was insulted that he’d been nominated for Literary Review’s Bad Sex Awards and he was all “Well I might have been offended if I’d ever heard of them.” BUT YOU KNOW HE KNEW. Like that shit probably kept him up…

In this moment, I am Edvard Munch’s The Scream. It's the only way I can think to describe my level of mortification.

Well things are looking awkward for Helen Holmes and Jezebel here, huh?

Holy shit. My parents and I are sitting at dinner and they’re talking about all the people they know that have died young. And I’m just sitting here thinking that I haven’t done anything worth shit at age 24. I keep telling myself I have time, but fuck man, what if I don't? So yeah, this is just my existential crisis…

You can pry my hair tie off my cold, dead wrist!

Someone take away her vowel privileges!

Unacceptable. All those people are going straight to lleh.

Do I recognize another retail veteran?

One can only hope. “Nayvie” makes me want to break something.

Their comment is giving me rage twitch-eye. It’s basically saying “one whiner complained so now our edgy, clever marketing is ruined for EVERYONE.” Uh, no, that was a terrible idea and WE ALL KNOW IT.