White people.

You better not let me and this ICONIC ROLE down, Vanessa Hudgens.

Working Black Friday in retail is bad enough. Let them at least start out the day with their dignity, I'm sure rude customers will do enough damage without this invitation for harassment.

I lived in the Border’s bookstore (RIP) nearby while my mom was in menopause and just hoped she’d gone to bed by the time they’d kicked me out every night. She was one scary lady, totally different from the woman I was so close to when I was younger. Hormones, man.

Made out of lichens? Seems lich-ly.

Why do I feel the urgent need to jump Harry Styles’ bones? What is happening to my body right now??

I’m late but I’m thinking this might stay gray, but friendships are hard. Or maybe I’m just bad at them. I met my closest friend’s new best friend/apparent life coach last night and it was basically them sitting me down and informing me of all the positive changes my friend would be making in her life. Almost as if I…

I think that's actually a coin slot to store your spare change.

oh hey I know him

To paraphrase Tina Fey:

I’m imagining Sue Sylvester from Glee. “Only the weak allow themselves to be injured! Get off my team!” Or something.

Starting a new job is THE WOOOOOOOORST. Even if it’s your dream job. I basically just buckle in and prepare for it to be a nightmare. Then I try to do a little refresher of what I learned that day once I get home. And I take notes on my computer about any weird stuff that I’m not likely to remember. And then lastly I…

Ugh, there Jennifer Lawrence goes again, living my dream life.

I can confirm, during my tenure I pierced the ears of every girl in a 200-mile radius. But don’t worry, the pain was mutual.

I think Zendaya is seriously one of the most gorgeous young women I’ve ever seen. Photoshopping her is just further proof that the crazy beauty standards marketed to us are LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE to attain. They don't exist in nature.

Kink shaming would be so much better if we used the dog shaming format. Pictures of people looking really dopey and guilty in comprising sexual situations, with a funny sign explaining their kink.

This is the only thing that comes to mind when someone mentions Riff Raff.

r u kink-shaming me

Four elbows is almost too many. Three is really ideal.

I am the opposite of a celebrity, and I can’t step outside naked either. :(