Fellow transracial adoptee here! I have Twenty Things! My aunt gave it to me and my mom was so pissed. I’ve found it very helpful and validating. Wishing you the best as you navigate your identity.

Thanks for writing an article about this. I feel like adoption issues get brushed aside a lot, and it’s nice to see some critique about the practice of adoption instead of the faux happy “fairytale” that adoptive agencies/families push for.

It drives me fucking nuts when anti-choice people point to adoption as some kind of panacea. I’m like, do you idiots even have any idea how many kids are sitting around in the system waiting *right now*? The problem is that people want completely healthy, lily-white, infants; most of the other kids are pretty well fuck…

Gabrielle, I just wanted to say thank you for writing this. As a white dad to two adopted black kids I feel strongly it’s important to talk about the realities of adoption and what it really means for everyone involved. The adoption fairytale is incredibly destructive and only serves to erase the voices of first…

Have you considered going to an adoptee group? I went to one when I was searching and it was really helpful to talk to people about this stuff. I also heard a wild range of reunion and adoption stories that helped me prepare for the worst and the best.

“Plus if I’m honest, I’m terrified of having a child who rejects me when they’re older for not being their birth mother.”

Thank you so much for writing this. I’ve tried to put in words on a couple of stories here lately and just couldn’t do it. I was adopted literally at birth, my adoptive mother was the OBGY nurse who delivered me. Being an adoptee is hard. It’s a giant mental weight that drags you down your entire life. I’m glad I have…

Don’t forget the adoptees who DON’T want to contact their birth parents!

We’re in this situation, and it’s so complicated. We adopted transracially from foster care, but it’s not a decision to be made lightly. Good luck with whatever your future holds. My only advice would be to really consider if you want a baby, if you want to be a parent, or if that’s just what you think your life is…

I’ve been having trouble getting pregnant (and carrying to term) for the last few years, and I have a hard time thinking about adoption. I’m open to it, in theory, but as you say there are so many practical concerns and it’s so expensive. Plus if I’m honest, I’m terrified of having a child who rejects me when they’re…

My sister’s in-laws frequently told my adopted niece that she’d be living in a hut with a dirt floor if she hadn’t been adopted. Unfuckingbelievable.

The white savior vision is strong in transracial adoptions. I would be a millionaire if I got paid everyone told me how “lucky” I am to be adopted by an American family. I’ve also had people tell me that if I weren’t adopted, I probably would have been a prostitute in my home country. Gee, thanks.

I was adopted and am actually one of the “lucky ones” my family is incredible and I’ve never struggled with any identity issues related to being adopted. My family and I are open about it and have been from the star

Fuck off. We do not often keep children with their mothers for too long, we’re far too quick to break up families. 

Those aren’t blinders, it’s the constitutional right to direct the upbringing of one’s children. You really couldn’t do a better job of supporting the author’s point that this is a reproductive rights issue, reading all that and responding with “we really should make it easier to do involuntary termination of parental…

Your sister’s experience is more common than people realize, from what I have seen (as an aparent). The stereotype of the joyous reunion is just that. Lots of adoptees get rejected as she did, as do many birthmoms who seek out their kids. 

Provide free or at least affordable access to birth control and abortions to all women to reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies, and then provide a safety need like paid parental leave and affordable day care to help women who found themselves pregnant in less than ideal circumstances and want to keep the child.

Agreed. What those assholes want is Handmaid’s tale. I recently found out my mother gave up a child as a teenager. It explained a lot for me. I’ve wondered my whole life why she never seemed to love me or want to be around me.

Free birth control and more accommodating abortion processes.

No. Make the United States a place where a woman doesn’t have to choose between shelter and supporting her child. If we had stronger social safety nets and more pro-family policies, women would be less likely to choose adoption.