The bad part is I could totally see it being the premise for a Hollywood rom-com. “Meg Ryan thought she was gonna be dead in two years when she promised Tom Hanks a date in five years. Now she’s a survivor who’s finally ready to live, and he’s a hopeless romantic with a heart of gold. Coming to theatres this November,…

He grinned at me, lifted his kilt and without even hesitating, flopped his sad, exposed wiener onto our stainless steel counter top.

If you think about it, any story about food is the beginning of a poop story.

Hi. I was the person who submitted that story. I mean, you’re not wrong that it would have been awesome of me to jump to the guy’s defense. I will mention (this detail was in my original submission, but C.A. Pinkman cut it — completely fairly, because I am always long-winded) that I was barely 18 and the guy getting…

At Starbucks, we always appreciated people who looked at us like that. Thanksssssssssss!!!

I ordered a large iced coffee at Starbucks last year, and the smart-ass barista gave me that enormous cruiser cup they sell for the Dunkin’ Donuts clientele. Because I didn’t want to drink more liquid than my stomach can hold, I asked for a large, which is a venti. He said that was their large, and I asked of their…

My little sister was so sick of being shit on at this pizza place- she was stuck doing deliveries one night. So she ended up just saying fuck it... Left with a shit ton of pizzas.. went to a party. Never went back. Don’t think she bothered to collect her last check either. They were terrible

I’m Boston born and raised and a Dunkin’ Donuts man, who moved to Seattle a couple of years ago.

I got a lot of mileage this February out of going into a Starbucks and ordering a “lahge coffee” in an exaggerated version of my fairly slight Boston accent. When the barista tried to correct me, I’d come back, still in…

Pizza dude. Balls the size of Saturn.

I never understood why the Starbuck’s system is viewed as being so difficult for some, and others will STAND THEIR GROUND about not using it. We had TONS of people coming in going “I JUST WANT A REGULAR CUP OF COFFEE!!!! NONE OF THIS TALL/GRANDE LATTE BULLSHIT!!! CAN YOU JUST GET ME A REGULAR CUP OF COFFEE, NOW!!!!!!”

What has five hands and is that conflicted?

I don’t have much to add, because this is great, but I will say this: I was really struck by the fact that, in facing down her death, Betty showed more of a level head, less selfishness, and more maturity than she had ever had before. It made me so sad and so proud of her, in a way. I just thought she was showing true…

Mr. Dr. Yoga Nerd MD got really drunk with his friends in like the first month we were dating and texted me something like “I wanna fuck you in high heel black boots”

I have a coworker who once went on a rant about how important wildlife conservation was. Her main example was the American buffalo—if we hadn’t brought them back from the brink of extinction, we wouldn’t have buffalo wings. Because buffalo wings are made from the literal wings of buffalo. Definitely not from chicken.

Not an allergy request but a ridiculous coffee request. At one cafe where I used to work, we kept the milk and cream behind the counter and would pour it in for the customer ourselves unless they asked to do it. One woman asked for me to make her coffee “about your color.” Because I’m neither coffee nor milk, I have…

I have a disease that makes my legs look like tree trunks and I can only barely wear jeans. Maxi dresses are the only thing that hides them and makes me feel pretty and normal. :(

OMG YAAAAS YASSSSSSS TO EVERY IDIOT COMMENTER WHO KEPT SAYING SHE WAS JUST OVERLINING HER LIPS I AM SINGING DASHBOARD’S VINDICATED AND DANCING AROUND THIS AIRPORT TERMINAL ALSO I AM PROBABLY VERY DRUNK

I don’t hate feral cats so much as I hate cat owners who let their precious babies roam the neighbor and piss and shit on everything.

Sadly, that’s definitely not ALL of the attendance. I have a very good friend with such a big heart most of the time, but she’s also a middle school science teacher who doesn’t believe in evolution and despite seeing Blackfish (I may or may not have forced her, a la “it’s my house and my netflix and my wine!”), she…

Uh....not sure why the gif posted to your comment.