CBS, in lieu of an apology for their earlier mistaken report, will create a complicated counterfactual universe where Durant joined the Celtics with fake highlights and box scores.

Votto will be fine. He is still walking a bunch and has okay power. At some point those lines drives will fall in for doubles and the Reds will suck slightly less.

All of this, and the general notion that when a child is with their mother, its normal. But any time the kid is just with dad? Dad’s babysitting.